Official Match Thread S19 R3: Coney Island Warriors vs Gold City Royals at Van Cortlandt Park

[The Mighty Boosh]

Royal Buttons have been mashed and I've been banned for my smutty lezo comment.
I won't enjoy my ban

It may have been a passing angry lesbian Les - no way of knowing it was a royal.

 

[Raveneyes]

Post reported. Enjoy your ban.

(Puts on crown)

You Warios wouldn't know banter if it stopped you in the street, pulled your pants down, and slapped your bare buttock.
All you have are your rugged good looks, rippling biceps, and carefree attitudes. And you smell like absinthe!

Go back to your sinful whore tree and do whatever it is you do there. We Royals cannot condone such illicit behaviour, it's not proper!

 

[zackah]

There's a nasal spray for that.

 

[Reginald Perrin]

The Gold City Royals are happening and now and intelligent and destined for further greatness and we have our own teeth.

You have that in common with porpoises, but they can do tricks.

 

[Les Norton]

Oh look,

oh look, Son of Sam is back to **** this thread up.
Where's the 7000 word essay ya nunce

 

[Easty]

Lady gag a warriors? Hmmm sounds kinky. Can I go first?

Post reported. Enjoy your ban.

Remember, okey is only deleting posts demeaning to women. Gagging you blokes is fair game.

 

[El Dubya]

Lulz were had by all.

They were Year 12s, they knew I had no idea, and napping is an exaggeration.

 

[Raveneyes]

There's a nasal spray for that.

 

[Stronzo]

Remember, okey is only deleting posts demeaning to women. Gagging you blokes is fair game.

He'd probably give you a pat on the back.

 

[3KZ is Football]

If you're going to overuse a pic sourced from Google, try to put a bit more effort in than just picking the first one.

OK no need to beg, I get the hint.
I'll start using the picture of you.

Reginald Perrin

 

[The Old Dark Navy's]

I don't have much to say except I wasn't Moderator of the year in 2012 for being a hypocrite (ODN didn't make the top 5 that year).

Holy hell, what far flung corner of an armpit in downtown Shitsville ran that contest? Did you Gerrymander it Joh?

 

[Stronzo]

Holy hell, what far flung corner of an armpit in downtown Shitsville ran that contest? Did you Gerrymander it Joh?

I don't like your implication.

Could it be that you're jealous?

If you'd like, I could give you some coaching so you might have a chance this year?

Given how out of form you are it will take some serious work, so before you accept this offer, I want you to think if you're ready for the level of commitment it takes to be the best.

 

[timtamWB]

Noobz0r would you rather be tagged here or in the Swamprats thread?

 

[Haduken]

3rd week in a row! Do you actually play for a team competing in this thread?

 

[Sydney Bloods]

I'm in the same boat you are, mate. Our back six is still as strong as it was last season.

i think we should all go on strike. at least without any defenders it will give the royals a chance.

 

[Stronzo]

3rd week in a row! Do you actually play for a team competing in this thread?

This week he does, but I think that's only because they're playing us.

 

[Haduken]

Ok Royals, many of you wouldn't be aware of the Canary Island Warios and their habitat, so I'll endeavor to guide you as best I can on the exact location of the ground.

Canary Island is located in the middle of the Bay amid a plethora of homophobic inhabitants and creatures who are sexually deprived and frustrated. The many species who roam the Island get their kicks out of degrading women with their faux pas macho image and reside in conditions of filth and squalor. It's believed that many of their players from last season have been duly incarcerated and replaced with replicas.

I advise you all to leave your wives and kids at home for their own safety.

They're fondly known as the canaries for their distinct yellow color, a color well renowned for cowardly acts both on and off the field. As you can see from the recent team photo, qooty is lost in their glow.

The leader of the club goes by the alias of Wario. A distinct figure who wears the color with pride.

When asked about his expectations in match threads at the beginning of the season, he had this to say: 'Well, we certainly don't want to make people think, now do we? That would be horrible. Imagine if everyone started thinking. Before long, we may have some intelligent people around, and that would be horrible!'

He's be known to back down from a challenge and often displays his cowardly traits, the traits designed to reflect the clubs image and motto. Those traits have had a flow on effect on almost all of the rest of the side, so much so they a few team members uttered these recent comments when confronted with the challenge of taking on Royals heavyweight Son of God... hey guys that's me.







Now Royals there is one Canary that stands out from the crowd, he hasn't been painted with the same brush, and he goes by the name of El Dubya. He's literally the black duck of the group, build with sterner stuff and able to withstand pressure when confronted. It'm led to believe that he's not a part of the habitat nor is he one of the family. Watch out for him guys, he's their only Danger. You'll see him around, he's hard to miss, so handle with care.

Based on the above Royals, we'll have no trouble getting our second win of the season on the board, and should finish the game with barely a scratch.

Man that's a lot of typing for me to scroll past without reading any...

I'm sure it was interesting and/or good somehow

 

[Haduken]

I do like the report button and I won't hesitate to use it again.

Ruh Oh, look out we got a badass here!

The Warriors have had a whole season to clean up their act.

I was told many times that they would settle in and things would be right.

The Warrior's posting style is too mean for my poor boo-boo!

Son of God is just repeating what I've already said long ago. Frankston Rover is captain and it is his responsibility to keep his players in line and set a good example. Obviously he still doesn't give a shit and is a blight on this league.

He should step down and make somebody that can handle the task rather than let his team run around like

I am an inferior captain and jealous of Frankston Rover who outshines me in every conceivable way.

14yo wanabee thugs making the whole place look trashy.

What, like a Juggalo?

You're hilariously bad at this.

Perhaps you'd like to try your hand at bantering about, oh I don't know, the game? I will smash you son much like I did your little button masher Son of God last week, to the point where he melted and had a cry. After we lost the game, which made my week, seriously rarely do such lightweights explode so satisfyingly, its still there, in our thread from last week, you can go see it. Now Given your own proud history of glory-hogging in a fantasy football game I am going to presume (since I have not seen a team sheet yet,) you'll be lining yourself up in the Forwardline (as while I a have only been here a year, your self-aggrandizing exploits were already widely known). As you always do in a vain attempt to make yourself matter more and draw more attention to yourself. An action of an inferior captain with little actual posting skill, leadership, likeability or anything anywhere near approaching talent on the field.

Well I am the Warrior's CHB. And I am Haduken. And I will crush you. Crush you so bad your poor little sad clown wannabe WCW rapper/wrestler persona needs to hug itself to sleep in the shower, rocking backwards and forwards for an hour until after everyone else has gone and its just you and of course, Son of God alone at last, to make it all feel better. (Not that there's anything wrong with a little tender consolation after a match of course. We all have needs!)

Welcome to the new World. It is ours.

 

[Marlowe]

Well I am the Warrior's CHB

Lol. Pretty sure you're not.

 

[The Old Dark Navy's]

I don't like your implication.

Could it be that you're jealous?

If you'd like, I could give you some coaching so you might have a chance this year?

Given how out of form you are it will take some serious work, so before you accept this offer, I want you to think if you're ready for the level of commitment it takes to be the best.

You didn't answer the question. What manner of madness was this award? Did you sell your soul and offer special 'favours' to get it? No more deflection .. answer the question Mr Abbott.

 

[Haduken]

Pretension comes with the job and purple sash, you pleb. Yeah, that's right, I wear a sash - that's just how pretentious I am.

The highlighted part I have singled out because I think you are on the right track but I would like to criticise it anyway. First, I think in that context, you can do away with the "some", and just say Soggy, and maybe Juggs. Does Juggs post on the Bay? It seems like he might have at one point. But anyway. You don't need to generalise us any more than we need to generalise you - that is to say, we generalise you enough for the both of us. Second, I think what you really needed to get at with the "high-horse" comment was to underline just how similar the Sweet FA and Bay 13 are. Now, I don't personally read the Bay, but the perception I have of it is that it is the lowest common denominator type stuff, while the Sweet FA, in my opinion, is strictly one notch above the lowest common denominator. Sure, I would prefer to think of this place, when at its best, as some good ol' high-brow fun and a great outlet for some excellent creative writing, but lately, that is becoming less and less true with every passing day as we devolve into a cesspool probably more reminiscent of the Bay. And I am sure the Bay has its high-brow moments, too. But at the end of the day, they're both clique-y little subculture niches with their own custom brand of humour that's been built over time. Criticising one of the other is redundant.

Still. You can tell us to get off our high-horse if you want, but I prefer to cling to whatever declining standards we have left, real or imagined. It helps to remind people what they can achieve if they strive to remove themselves from the gutter.

Its ok to admit you die a little inside each time you have to defend him.

 

[Haduken]

Lol. Pretty sure you're not.

Norm and I rotate frequently. We will kill him and whoever you have at FF. This is the scariest backline in the league. I note you have ensconced yourself as far away from it as possible. Wise choice.

B: oogac Haduken Retired Jimmy
HB: BoshtrichBurger Norm Landrover Sydney Bloods
C: Reginald Perrin Raveneyes zackah
HF: Lord_Flashheart alex_is_on_fire Les Norton
F: Mr_Smooth BigJoeD Stronzo
FOLL: The Mighty Boosh El Dubya Frankston Rover
I/C: invinciBlues NetworkNerd

Oh and funny enough the juggalo glory hog named himself at Full forward! So it works out just fine! I will still kill him (As will Norm Landrover should he be called upon) This defeence is not just miserly, it is MISERY!

Surprises all round!

 

[Jhye Clark 13]

Oh look,

oh look, Son of Sam is back to **** this thread up.
Where's the 7000 word essay ya nunce

Look who we have here. It's Les Norton who's finally decided after a few beers that he's built up enough Dutch courage to come out of his shell and confront me.

He still couldn't tag me though, probably hoping I wouldn't see it, without realising that he quoted my post at the same time.

So much for avoiding me in this thread, even though youve mentioned my name randomly in almost every one of your inept spam posts. Not surprising you change clubs every season.

Are the Warios going to let you out of your cage for this match 'yellow canary?'

Don't worry, we'll give you a more comfortable abode once we've finished with you here. It's called a box. That way every opponent herein can put you back in it after they've finished clipping your feathers.

You may even get a kick out of it since you struggle to get one against anyone else. It should have enough room for the rest of your side as well, so don't worry, you won't be alone.

What an ordinary side.

 

[El Dubya]

Look who we have here. It's Les Norton who's finally decided after a few beers that he's built up enough Dutch courage to come out of his shell and confront me.

He still couldn't tag me though, probably hoping I wouldn't see it, without realising that he quoted my post at the same time.

So much for avoiding me in this thread, even though youve mentioned my name randomly in almost every one of your inept spam posts. Not surprising you change clubs every season.

Are the Warios going to let you out of your cage for this match 'yellow canary?'

Don't worry, we'll give you a more comfortable abode once we've finished with you here. It's called a box. That way every opponent herein can put you back in it after they've finished clipping your feathers.

You may even get a kick out of it since you struggle to get one against anyone else. It should have enough room for the rest of your side as well, so don't worry, you won't be alone.

What an ordinary side.

Threatening to put a side in a box, how uncouth. Corporate boxes are for the nouveau riche. Surely good taste and etiquette informs you that you should indulge us a day in the members stand. Corporate boxes are for the pathetic louts who have scammed monies and believe it buys them pedigree. A blight on this earth.

 

[Jhye Clark 13]

Haduken, if you can't find the energy to research your opponent don't bother. Which part of your recent posts would you like me to respond to.

The post in which you ignorantly assumed that I didn't play for the Royals? The part that implies Juggalo Balla is our captain? Or the part in which indicates you're unaware as to which position you even play.

Not surprising you'll eventually go down in history as the worst side to grave the SFA with your presence.

5 clubs were wise, 5 weren't. That's how close you were to not being accepted in this league. The 5 clubs who made the mistake of voting yes should be given the same treatment as those 2 from the Bali nine who are currently on death row. Okeydoke is currently in his office ruing the decision to admit you entry by being the deciding vote.

He'll live with this until you eventually fold or merge like the majority of others sides your captain touches.