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the state of my butt after going for brown sausage time ive been to thailand in my lifetime and i have to say i approve of their bum guns, do you know how much paper i use going to the bathroom? single handedly i go through half a roll in one go, and it makes me feel like a geriatric. i feel...

English, not sure if Ive had mustard with an accent would you rather eat two minute noodles cooked in the toilet or drink alcohol brewed in a bathtub of algae

Why do all chats about Eddie McGuire always wind up coming down to race relations If he's a racist I have to edit my Eddie McGuire fanfictions

I also go by 'Pulveriser' or 'Sore back' Both names a reference to my big old shlongus

He has always struck me as suspicious i dont know what hes upto but hes up to something

I call this piece "X-Files" cos Eddie is a bit of a mystery and an enigma. Even the subject of the art, stares off into the distance wondering what could of been. He wonders what his future holds at the end of 2021 when his football related career comes to an end.

I call this piece 'Mum's Hotseat' I have very vivid memories of when I used to go look after my mum in the afternoon and she'd always watch Hotseat, it'd just turn into 45 min rants on how Eddie was a lizard person (She got a bit loopy towards the end) to which I'd get a break in the adverts...

I've recently been making Eddie McGuire art in order to celebrate his time on television coming to an end. This piece is simply called 'Hot Seat' I've made him look like that cos we know Eddie can be a bit of a Joker at times

Depends how much hunting youre willing to do, I usually manage to find two six packs for $20 cos somewhere someone will have them on special. I like the price of wine, very efficient, I just don't like my shit being solid red and having grey teeth

being eddie mcguire pays well if only everyone could be eddie mcguire and get paid well but just exist with a face

I feel like its a bad idea for me to have children, because currently I'm wanting to do experiments with their upbringing and see how it affects them Like I want to send one kid to private school and the other to public school, then see what happens Or just feed one nothing but chips and the...

Meanwhile, the next day, atleast fifty people got a sweet sweet drop of your urine in every drink

Customer service is enough to make a priest an alcoholic.

I had a friend shit behind a brothel one time and he got the shit kicked out of him by a prostitute for being a 'filthy dog'

Ive become paranoid of people in wheelchairs now. I'd of shit myself if that happened to me.

On new year the bartender got plates next to ours and they were full of food, I asked if I could have the chips as they were all untouched and yeah, same reaction. She came upto the table and complained about people wasting money when she had the plates, I offer a solution and she's disgusted...

Worked on my wife somehow I still remember the first thing I said was just giving facts on people like Ted Bundy Someone for everyone. I don't really flirt I just kind of talk at people until they leave or stick around to see what spills out next.

Ive shit myself more times than I care to admit, I don't think thats a spectrum thing though just really poor diet and life choices Weird boast I know

I get that a lot :(

I went out after a night of drinking an entire bottle of vodka and eating kfc. The next day I was ****ed but went anyway, sat across from the woman and tried slowly letting out a fart but shit myself violently but quietly. She luckily got up to go get something from her car and I waddled to the...

That's probably the worst one but my life is just a series of awkward events it would seem because I don't understand simple things That same woman I went to a Nando's with and I didn't get enough chips in my meal, the table next to me had a family that just weren't eating their chips and were...

I knew I related to Larry way too much

For some reason I still think about this to this day. I was working shift late at night in some rough areas, and one time I caught the bus home around about 1am. Upon arriving on the bus there was a woman missing a leg in a wheelchair that was clearly intoxicated sitting in the disability area...

Not so much awkward flirting but Ive just generally always been an awkward person and never understood what the issue was I look back at my dates and am genuinely concerned In my early twenties I was a stoner, went to a movie for a first date with a woman while blazed out of my mind. I arrived...

Im getting tired of every single investigation show or film having a character with severe autism that can remember the tiniest of details in a mind palace and puts together information with very little connection that is on par to having a level of paranoid schizophrenia.

The ants have migrated and now there's beetles in my kid's room I don't know how this happened or where the ants went Pretty sure I have to stop updating cos beetles are not related to the thread

I've compiled a small list on things that make me sad - Seeing no beer in the fridge - When my team loses - Eddie McGuire when he speaks - Seeing a person with plaid pants - My wife's shoe selection - The fact that my wife has four times the clothing that i do and the washing is 90% hers but...

When I go to kmart and try to just get regular human jeans I have to go to places to spend like $100 on decent jeans just cos everyone now has decided that we need things so tight you can see their loose change in their pocket I play a drinking game at the pub where every time i can see a mans...

My ex wife wanted me to go to AA cos I woke up one night and thought the bed was a urinal while drunk, I went to two sessions leaving after it was just a group of people telling horrific stories One woman was talking about how she ran over her son and broke his leg, then took him to hospital...

I'm a Melbournian and stuck in WA. Went the Kings Park and there was literally just nonstop hippies watching the fireworks. Wish I was in the age where I did acid cos they seemed like they were having a hell of a time. Why is nobody wearing masks? Not a single person cared. I saw dyed hair women...