Funny sayings!

[Double the Fist]

Who took the jam out of your donut.
As dry as a nuns nasty.
Head like a half chewed pastie.

Face like a dropped pie.

 

[Kynge of Begrem]

Went down faster then a two dollar hooker

Mate, I wouldn't f--k her with yours.

 

[Double the Fist]

Went down faster then a two dollar hooker

Mate, I wouldn't f--k her with yours.

You'd only kick her out of bed to do it on the floor

 

[C4[2]Yo`DooR]

"I might have Alzheimers .... but at least I don't have have Alzheimers"

 

[Toothpick Vic]

When discussing how tight someone is - "He wouldn't shout if a shark bit him"

When discussing a poor footballer - "He wouldn't get a kick in a stampede"

When discussing a unfit fat mess - "He wouldn't run outta sight in a dark night"

When discussing a ordinary driver - "He couldn't drive a greasy stick up a dogs a*se"

When discussing how hot a day it is - "I'm sweating like a pedo in a clown suit"

When discussing someone's lack of physical or mental strength - "He's as weak as a boardinghouse cup of tea"

When discussing the prospects of slaying an ordinary looking lady - "I'd rather be up her than upset"

 

[Double the Fist]

When discussing how tight someone is - "He wouldn't shout if a shark bit him"

When discussing a poor footballer - "He wouldn't get a kick in a stampede"


When discussing how hot a day it is - "I'm sweating like a pedo in a clown suit"

Both brilliant. Spesh the pedo one

 

[Boultzboi]

Heard one yesterday afternoon that gave me a chuckle

'Anyone can sell a banana to a hungry monkey'

 

[Double the Fist]

Heard one yesterday afternoon that gave me a chuckle

'Anyone can sell a banana to a hungry monkey'

reminds me of someone who can sell sand to the arabs and ice to the eskimos

 

[Varcoe2Chapman]

A few good ones.

Cricket:
When someone drops a catch - if it were a bag of s**t he'd be covered in it.
When someone isn't using their feet batting - seen better footwork from Stephen Hawking.

Golf:
More time in the woods than Ivan Milat
More time in the garden than Don Burke
More time in the water than Britt Lapthorne
More time in the sand that David Hasselhoff

Other good ones:
If you want food off someone and they say no - give me one or you will wear it as a hat.
When someone falls over - he was chewing on pavement.
Weak as a pensionsers s**t
Head like a sex offender
Head like a dropped pie

I just love the saying - head like a bulldog chewing a wasp.

 

[Varcoe2Chapman]

Another golf one.
Gee, that's a Cathy Freeman - ugly but it runs.
A Gary Coleman - a little short.

 

[Double the Fist]

Golf:More time in the woods than Ivan Milat

hahahaha. Pisser

 

[Stratton_Gun]

You can't have your cake and eat it too.


Why would I want cake if I can't eat it!!

 

[Varcoe2Chapman]

It is always in the last place you look.


Well why would i keep looking once i've found it?

I think some George Carlin is coming out:

 

[Boultzboi]

It is always in the last place you look.


Well why would i keep looking once i've found it?

I think some George Carlin is coming out:

I'd keep looking just so it wasnt the last place

 

[Jewbacca]

When discussing how tight someone is - "He wouldn't shout if a shark bit him"

If he was any tighter He'd squeak.

 

[Varcoe2Chapman]

Tight as a Nuns nasty.

 

[Double the Fist]

Props to Stealthchicken for these pearlers in the 'vents thread' on the Supercoach board regarding some of his players.
Couldn't get a kick in a barn full of horses
A peddo could get more touches in a primary school

 

[Reginald Perrin]

Couldn't lead ants up a dead dog's arse.
As busy as a one legged arse kicker.
Bob's your aunty's live-in lover.
Couldn't hit the side of a barn with a handful of wheat.

 

[Double the Fist]

Couldn't lead ants up a dead dog's arse.
As busy as a one legged arse kicker.
Bob's your aunty's live-in lover.
Couldn't hit the side of a barn with a handful of wheat.

Nope Reggie. Never heard of that one!

 

[Thirteen]

Can't polish a turd

....but you can roll it in glitter

 

[pebblestone]

The Mrs just made me laugh by describing someone she works with as having "a head like a racing tortoise"

 

[Reginald Perrin]

Excuse for a fart - "It's better to let it out than bust your arse and become a cripple."

 

[coffeelover]

He who laughs last, didn't get it !

 

[pebblestone]

Heard another one the other day. A guy was referring to blow flies as dunny budgies. Still makes me laugh now.

 

[Byron_Clanger]

Don't s**t on my cupcake and tell me it's frosting