Certified Legendary Thread Awkward Flirting Stories

[Duritz]

Hey baby, come to my place and we'll play sushi: I'll wrap your seaweed around my crispy prawn.

 

[Perth gal]

This stuff doesn't do it for me. It probably did when I was 20.

 

[2006_Eagles]

Long story short - about 10 years go this cute brunette I knew through a bar job - let's call her Sarah - texted and invited me to a house party and said she wanted to set me up with her hot friend. For reasons unbeknowst to me, I thought the text said Sarah wanted to hook up with me. So I went to the party and when I got there Sarah introduced me to her friend - let's call her Mrs X - who was very cute and being pretty friendly to me, but I was oblivious to this because of my inability to do simple comprehension as I tried all night unsuccessfully to pull Sarah.

The next day when more sober I re read the text and immediately realised the absolute blunder I had made. My reaction was pretty similar to this

Guaranteed plow gone to waste

 

[Duritz]

This stuff doesn't do it for me. It probably did when I was 20.

I'll think of a classy one just for you.

 

[Duritz]

Ok classy one for you Perth gal. You'll wobble at the knees for this one:

Perth Gal you're classy, you're like a fine red wine: when you take the cork out it's a bit smelly at first, but worth the wait after a bit of an airing.

Wait that came out wrong.

 

[2006_Eagles]

"Want a screw?" Then you hand them a screw.

I'm lolling at this pretty hard

 

[2006_Eagles]

Has anyone ever tried pick up lines?
Is it a good idea?
I tried one yesterday and I got slapped in the face. I got home and this girl blocked me on all of my socials. So obviously it didn't work for me but has anyone else actually had success with this tactic.

I used the polar bear one when I was backpacking in Tassie. It actually worked a treat and yes she was hot

 

[KardiniaPark]

Hey Bebe, you wanna see my ****? Then pull out a rooster.

 

[KardiniaPark]

No wait, you walk in with a rooster and say do you like my ****? THEN pull your **** out.

 

[KardiniaPark]

It's a work in progress.

 

[perthblue]

you know how I know I'm getting laid tonight?

*lean in and whisper*

because I'm stronger than you

 

[KardiniaPark]

you know how I know I'm getting laid tonight?

*lean in and whisper*

because I'm stronger than you

Jesus Christ.

 

[2006_Eagles]

you know how I know I'm getting laid tonight?

*lean in and whisper*

because I'm stronger than you

lmao reminds me of rape sloth

 

[Duritz]

"Hey babe do you know that in quantum mechanics things can be in several places at once? In fact Einstein called quantum mechanics 'spooky action at a distance'. So if we were together quantum mechanically I could be in your muff and your bum at the same time."

 

[KardiniaPark]

Mother of God.

 

[perthblue]

"Hey babe do you know that in quantum mechanics things can be in several places at once? In fact Einstein called quantum mechanics 'spooky action at a distance'. So if we were together quantum mechanically I could be in your muff and your bum at the same time."

perfect.
The bolded bit is all you need if you don't have time for the whole spiel though. keep her guessing.

 

[2006_Eagles]

"Hey babe do you know that in quantum mechanics things can be in several places at once? In fact Einstein called quantum mechanics 'spooky action at a distance'. So if we were together quantum mechanically I could be in your muff and your bum at the same time."

We'll call this a work in process

It's not without potential

 

[Duritz]

Hey babe your arse is workin' it like Joseph Goebbles: seems great at first but in the end it's just full of shit.

 

[Duritz]

Hey baby if your muff were on Star Trek it'd be Captain Picard: bald and usually has the shields down.

 

[2006_Eagles]

Hey baby if your muff were on Star Trek it'd be Captain Picard: bald and usually has the shields down.

 

[Perth gal]

I'll leave ya to it gentlemen.

 

[2006_Eagles]

I'll leave ya to it gentlemen.

To whom?

 

[rippersnipper]

"Will you hold my pint while i go for a shit?"

 

[2006_Eagles]

"Will you hold my pint while i go for a shit?"

 

[Simon_Nesbit]

I used the polar bear one when I was backpacking in Tassie. It actually worked a treat and yes she was hot

polar bear?