Unwanted Pregnancy Advice

[Mojo]

Hi guys,

This is the last place I ever thought I'd share this story but I'm struggling a little, so here goes...

I went on a couple of dates towards the end of last year with a girl I met online - it didn't go anywhere, but we occasionally swapped messages. Tbh, it was fairly one-sided, and she wanted more from me than I did from her.

Fast forward several months to April this year; I agreed to see her again, and we ended up having drinks and sleeping together. The next morning I find out she wasn't taking contraception - a mutual error, and one I'll now regret forever. Subsequently, I asked her to visit the doctor to attain the Morning-After Pill, and to my shock surprise she tells me, she's not going to because she gets a bad reaction from taking it.

Over the proceeding few days, I implore her to go to the doctor, however, in lieu, she tells me she's taking pregnancy tests and they've come back negative. I assumed that was the end of that experience, and I put it behind me.

Fast forward 6 weeks - approximately 2 weeks ago now - she messages to tell me she wants to speak to me in person. Well, naturally, my heart sank, knowing what her topic of conversation was going to be about. My only hope, was that she decides to terminate the pregnancy.

The following day, a Saturday, she informs me she is pregnant and is going to keep the baby. I have a fairly stressful job, so this almost tipped me over the edge.

I spent Saturday afternoon, and the next several days, begging her not to go down this path; the consequences it would have on my life, the actions that had led us there, however, unfortunately, it's fallen on deaf ears.

This girl (woman) is several years older than I am, 45, so she sees this as her last opportunity to have a baby.

I'm defeat, and no longer know what to do.

If anyone has any advice or suggestions, please let me know.

 

[rdhopkins2]

That’s tough mate! I feel for you.

At the end of the day it’s her body, so if she keeps the baby you will need to decide how much you want to be around, even if you aren’t with the ladyfriend. I’d probably ask for a DNA test too when the child is born. I think you deserve that certainty of knowing that it’s definitely yours.

You can only be honest like you have and tell her you’re in no position now for a child and that your reasons why you won’t be able to be the best Dad you’d want to be for your child.

So if she keeps the baby, you’re providing minimum / as you see fit child support etc.

If she still wishes to keep the baby knowing your stance and circumstances, it’s obviously not ideal for you or the child even if she’s happy that she’s finally become a Mum.

A really tough one.

Consider contacting as a start? https://pregnancyhelpaustralia.org.au/looking-for-help/fact-sheets/specifically-for-men

 

[faible]

Hi guys,

This is the last place I ever thought I'd share this story but I'm struggling a little, so here goes...

I went on a couple of dates towards the end of last year with a girl I met online - it didn't go anywhere, but we occasionally swapped messages. Tbh, it was fairly one-sided, and she wanted more from me than I did from her.

Fast forward several months to April this year; I agreed to see her again, and we ended up having drinks and sleeping together. The next morning I find out she wasn't taking contraception - a mutual error, and one I'll now regret forever. Subsequently, I asked her to visit the doctor to attain the Morning-After Pill, and to my shock surprise she tells me, she's not going to because she gets a bad reaction from taking it.

Over the proceeding few days, I implore her to go to the doctor, however, in lieu, she tells me she's taking pregnancy tests and they've come back negative. I assumed that was the end of that experience, and I put it behind me.

Fast forward 6 weeks - approximately 2 weeks ago now - she messages to tell me she wants to speak to me in person. Well, naturally, my heart sank, knowing what her topic of conversation was going to be about. My only hope, was that she decides to terminate the pregnancy.

The following day, a Saturday, she informs me she is pregnant and is going to keep the baby. I have a fairly stressful job, so this almost tipped me over the edge.

I spent Saturday afternoon, and the next several days, begging her not to go down this path; the consequences it would have on my life, the actions that had led us there, however, unfortunately, it's fallen on deaf ears.

This girl (woman) is several years older than I am, 45, so she sees this as her last opportunity to have a baby.

I'm defeat, and no longer know what to do.

If anyone has any advice or suggestions, please let me know.

No real advice I can offer here, but if you're struggling then definitely reach out for support or help. Find a psychologist or counsellor to help you work through it. This is a pretty big thing to come to terms with and it sounds like you're not getting much choice in how this situation is unfolding.

 

[Mojo]

No real advice I can offer here, but if you're struggling then definitely reach out for support or help. Find a psychologist or counsellor to help you work through it. This is a pretty big thing to come to terms with and it sounds like you're not getting much choice in how this situation is unfolding.

Thanks Faible.

My coping mechanism has always been to bury my head in the sand and try to forget. I don't have that option atm.

I sort legal advice yesterday. That was pragmatic but has only exacerbated my concern, after learning truths.

Unfortunately, I'm not a person that can ignore I have a child in the world either.

 

[Run n Spread]

Hi guys,

This is the last place I ever thought I'd share this story but I'm struggling a little, so here goes...

I went on a couple of dates towards the end of last year with a girl I met online - it didn't go anywhere, but we occasionally swapped messages. Tbh, it was fairly one-sided, and she wanted more from me than I did from her.

Fast forward several months to April this year; I agreed to see her again, and we ended up having drinks and sleeping together. The next morning I find out she wasn't taking contraception - a mutual error, and one I'll now regret forever. Subsequently, I asked her to visit the doctor to attain the Morning-After Pill, and to my shock surprise she tells me, she's not going to because she gets a bad reaction from taking it.

Over the proceeding few days, I implore her to go to the doctor, however, in lieu, she tells me she's taking pregnancy tests and they've come back negative. I assumed that was the end of that experience, and I put it behind me.

Fast forward 6 weeks - approximately 2 weeks ago now - she messages to tell me she wants to speak to me in person. Well, naturally, my heart sank, knowing what her topic of conversation was going to be about. My only hope, was that she decides to terminate the pregnancy.

The following day, a Saturday, she informs me she is pregnant and is going to keep the baby. I have a fairly stressful job, so this almost tipped me over the edge.

I spent Saturday afternoon, and the next several days, begging her not to go down this path; the consequences it would have on my life, the actions that had led us there, however, unfortunately, it's fallen on deaf ears.

This girl (woman) is several years older than I am, 45, so she sees this as her last opportunity to have a baby.

I'm defeat, and no longer know what to do.

If anyone has any advice or suggestions, please let me know.

We've all been there mate here is my advice
1. Do not sign or acknowledge anything. The fact she is over 45 is bullshit . But if you're not married not your responsibility

2. Do not antagonise or offer advice. Ask her what's happening . It may be true she is pregnant.
3. You've been set up good and proper. Given her age and yours there is a very real chance she is indeed pregnant as a last ditch. Or not really
Br prepared. But you'll be one of a few choices
But prepared you are most likely not the father.
4. Wait a few days and offer support.
If you're the father you owe responsibility. But absolutely tell her you will offer full support pending a DNA test. There available for 600 a pop google it.

 

[Mojo]

We've all been there mate here is my advice
1. Do not sign or acknowledge anything. The fact she is over 45 is bullshit . But if you're not married not your responsibility

2. Do not antagonise or offer advice. Ask her what's happening . It may be true she is pregnant.
3. You've been set up good and proper. Given her age and yours there is a very real chance she is indeed pregnant as a last ditch. Or not really
Br prepared. But you'll be one of a few choices
But prepared you are most likely not the father.
4. Wait a few days and offer support.
If you're the father you owe responsibility. But absolutely tell her you will offer full support pending a DNA test. There available for 600 a pop google it.

Thanks Run n Spread.

She has her prenatal tests done tomorrow, so I'll know more.

I imagine if this birth does goes ahead, I'm going to have to be amicable towards this woman, for the sake of my child.

 

[Run n Spread]

Thanks Run n Spread.

She has her prenatal tests done tomorrow, so I'll know more.

I imagine if this birth does goes ahead, I'm going to have to be amicable towards this woman, for the sake of my child.

Your child is all that matters.
But ffs get a DNA test done

 

[MrsEddieBetts]

I'm really sorry you're in this position. I second the suggestion for a DNA test - these can be done in utero but she may not agree to it.

It would be insanely bad luck for you if she is pregnant with your child after one shag. Statistically, there's a less than 5% chance of a woman conceiving in her mid-40s. Has she had her HCG levels tested or just used an at home test?

Hope you're okay.

 

[Bostonian]

+1 to the DNA test.

There's plenty enough footage on trash tv shows of people claiming someone was the father only for more information to come out they were with multiple other sexual partners at the time.