My Problem This Weekend.

[Jesse Custer]

I think most the cool guys you refer to are actually just selfish pricks. Maybe even coward keyboard heroes who talk big on here and then when their wife/girlfriend walks into the room they probably hide their computer screen quickly so they don't see what they wrote.

You are definitely not on your own.

Last week I wanted to attend the Essendon V West Coast game. The girl I'm seeing works odd shift hours and said Saturday night was the only time she had free. It wasn't any special occasion so I did enquire more and found I could meet her for breakfast and still go to the footy. I made it clear to her the going to the footy is important to me, however so is she and if I can see her and go to the footy that is my preference.

However, in no uncertain terms she is more important than the football and I let her know that. She is pretty understanding of things and wants to come to some games with me. At the same time if it is a special occasion for her (or other people I care about) then that comes before the football. The only time I would push the envelope and try to re-arrange an occasion is if Essendon were playing in a Preliminary or Grand Final.

Because I let the people I care about know that they are important to me, in turn they know how much I love my footy and I would like to think they would understand. In the past this has shown true and life is much better for the two way street.

Even then depending on how long ago something was arranged i'd still give up the footy for the day. Some things are unavoidable.

 

[Mr Mojo Risin]

Even then depending on how long ago something was arranged i'd still give up the footy for the day. Some things are unavoidable.

Agreed. It would be hard and it would hurt, but I'd do it also where unavoidable.

 

[Franc de Borges]

Even then depending on how long ago something was arranged i'd still give up the footy for the day. Some things are unavoidable.

You'd give up a GF for a social engagement? What could it possibly be? Only a wedding I assume, and anyone w***erish enough to book it on GF day doesn't deserve to have anyone attend.

 

[THRILLHO]

Relationships shouldn't be about feelings of debt. You've got it so wrong it's not funny. Relationships are about wanting to do stuff for the other person, not feeling as though you HAVE to.

Debt, sacrifice, owing, compromise - that sounds like punishment - what kind of fun is that?

Society pushes all these ideas onto us like "relationships are hard work".

No they're not - relationships are fun, and if they're not fun change the relationship so it fun or get out of the relationship. Crazy, crazy way we live our lives and 'endure' relationships. How many people spend their time complaining about their partners to their friends? What a waste of time and effort.

We can take turns making our different points all afternoon but that ignores the simple fact that people are different and each relationship is different. You have a partner that accepts football is as important to you as your partner. Cool. I have a partner who accepts that football is important to me but that birthdays are more important.

It doesn't matter.

One thing we can agree on is the OP organised the dinner before Richmond entered their "best form streak of the past 20 years" (citation, some other poster) and now that they're a show for this weekend, he wants in on the bandwagon.

 

[The House]

Compromise is the biggest scam there is.

Compromise means you're both missing out on having exactly what you want (either on this occasion or another).

You want to go to the footy and watch the footy. So do it. There is no reason you can't do this AND give the girl the birthday/anniversary day she needs and deserves.

Successful relationships don't happen on a currency of sacrifice and compromise - they happen on the basis of ensuring that both of you - NOT JUST ONE OF YOU - has every possible.

Seriously - I see these guys everywhere who think they're awesome boyfriends/husbands and all they do is concede, concede, concede. They end up miserable, frustrated - but out of this sense of pride that they're a 'good partner' they constantly punish themselves and excuse the fact that they're short changing their own happiness.

I used to be one of those guys until I met my wife who really has this win/win approach. Absolute genius. If I want to watch a game of footy she makes the most of it and catches up with some friends or whatever. If she wants to go shopping and I don't - she doesn't want me there. It makes sense right?

Why would you ever consider doing it any other way?

It all starts with things like this anniversary dinner. It's clear that you are torn between the dinner and footy. Sure, you think it's a once off - and she got you a macbook which is nice - but don't think that you OWE her some sort of sacrifice - especially when you can give the dinner, etc without missing out on what you wan.

Always go for win-win, it is the path to true happiness.

Relationships shouldn't be about feelings of debt. You've got it so wrong it's not funny. Relationships are about wanting to do stuff for the other person, not feeling as though you HAVE to.

Debt, sacrifice, owing, compromise - that sounds like punishment - what kind of fun is that?

Society pushes all these ideas onto us like "relationships are hard work".

No they're not - relationships are fun, and if they're not fun change the relationship so it fun or get out of the relationship. Crazy, crazy way we live our lives and 'endure' relationships. How many people spend their time complaining about their partners to their friends? What a waste of time and effort.

Leather Poisoning, I now feel we are kindrid spitits .

This is how i live my life (as does my gf), and I'm stunned that guys like you and I are actually quite a small minority.....and like you, to some degree YEARS AGO (about the age of the OP actually) I used to get caught up in all that bullshit of earning mystical points from the gf so she "lets" me enjoy MY life as i deserve.
And as embarrassing as it is to admit now, even putting forward a case/trying to convince the gf why i should be allowed to do certain things i enjoy, even if she doesn't like those things (ala footy) !!

But now, like you and unlike so many, I am with a girl who actually wants me to be happy and enjoy my life, as I do for her.....further to that, she is aware, unlike many women, that she is not my boss, nor am I a young child that needs a mother deciding what I do - what I do is a decision for me to make, not her. And visa versa.

It stuns me that so many fellas i know tell me they'd like to catch up for a beer, or would like to watch the game or come for a hit of golf.....but they'd better check first....

....AND BY CHRIST DOES IT MAKE ME SICK IF I HAVE TO ENDURE LISTENING TO THE ****ING PHONE CALL FROM THEIR END WHEN THEIR VOICE CHANGES TO A NICE PREISSY TONE, AND THEY HESITATE AND STUMBLE WITH ALL THE TREPIDATION OF A 14 YEAR OLD BOY TRYING TO ASK HIM MUM FOR SOMETHING QUITE UNREASONABLE LIKE GOING TO VEGAS WITH HIS MATES, OR A LIFT TO THE WHORE HOUSE!!

"Oh, baby, hi...it's me (tone gets softer) - how are you? Having a nice day? ...oh that's good. Hey, I hope you don't mind, but uh, I was just thinking The House and I might ah, maybe if it's cool with you, grab a pizza and watch some of the game tonight.....i hope that's okay...is it?? (then starts justifying) I won't be out long, i mean ah, the game probably won't even be that close, and then i'll be able to head back early, BLA, BLA, BLA (que the sound of me throwing up in my mouth in the background)...is that cool??"

Or furthermore, when they arrive they often give you the back story/lie that they had to give their gf/wife, just in case she tries to catch him out having innocent fun by asking me about it!!

To the OP and everyone else I say set the standard early and consistently....not just by what you say, but how you act. Do what you like and let her do what she likes - if you're right for each other that will often involve you doing certain things together, and sometimes you'll do things that the other partner isn't into, seperately.

If she wants to argue that you shouldn't do what you enjoy doing, I wouldn't even bother arguing about it for more than a minute these days.....I'd simply say "well I'm going to and I'm just letting you know - this isn't up for discussion, and i'm not asking for permission."


The OP is a little different in that he stuffed up and organised this on a day that he now kinda wishes he didn't....and as mentioned, I'm sure she would be fine if you did all this the day before and made her feel special....but he's made his bed now, and must either A) get out of it by changing the day, or B) follow through.

I would suggest that it's probably getting a little late to change the date now, but I guess that also comes down to the kind of relationship they have (and how cool she'd be knowing he's doing something that makes him happy and knowing she still gets her night, or how angry she'd be that he's not sacrificing doing what he ACTUALLY wants to be doing on the night).


I'm not saying never compromise, but at least be with someone who actually wants you to be doing the things that make you happy...if that happens to be watching footy, playing where's wally, feeding the homeless, clubbing baby seals (well, maybe not), barraking for Carlton (okay, definitely not), debating politics, cooking, or whatever, so be it. Good for you and good for her. You both get to enjoy life doing what you like.

 

[The Goon]

I love how so many people in the thread have completely misread what the OP said. Let me remind you:

I'm still going through with the day because I love her, but how do I get through the night without checking the scores, or being spoilt by crowds in the city?

Hes not pussy-whipped or doing something against his will. He loves her and wants to go out. His 'problem' is avoiding the scores throughout the night. I'm sympathising with him because I've got a wedding that night with quite a few Tiger and Bomber fans in attendance, no way will I avoid the result, but c'est la vie.

Sheesh.

 

[Mr Mojo Risin]

I love how so many people in the thread have completely misread what the OP said. Let me remind you:



Hes not pussy-whipped or doing something against his will. He loves her and wants to go out. His 'problem' is avoiding the scores throughout the night. I'm sympathising with him because I've got a wedding that night with quite a few Tiger and Bomber fans in attendance, no way will I avoid the result, but c'est la vie.

Sheesh.

Well said. However because so many have missed the point or chosen to ignore it, the thread has become about something else.

 

[The Goon]

Sure, and I kind of agree with you and House (although I do think it's been a bit overstated, nothing is ever black and white). It's just that House was using the OP as an example - which was misunderstanding the poor young fella's actual problem. Ironically, he seems to be a perfect example of what you were both saying.

 

[Balony_pony16]

surprise her with dinner friday night...she wont mind you got the date wrong. Then get a pass out sat night

 

[SM]

My girlfriend's 21st birthday, 3 year anniversary combined dinner date.

I've set out dinner at a 100p/h restaurant, got the gold class tickets and it's on Saturday night.

Oh my.

Essendon Vs. Richmond is on Saturday night.

I'm still going through with the day because I love her, but how do I get through the night without checking the scores, or being spoilt by crowds in the city?

My plan is to IQ the match and watch it when I get home like it was live. I will struggle with this because the AFL Live footy app is likea disease, I check it every moment of every game when I'm out.

It's exactly like that episode of How I met Your Mother with the superbowl.

Do you think I can get through the night without the result spoiled? I'll let you know how I go

Last week - and for the next few weeks, Swans have played at 4.40. I can take an hour lunch break generally and catch the last hour of our games if they're at 2.10. But with 4.40, and finishing work at 8, I tend to tape the match and watch it as if it's live. That's the best you can do, but I live thirty seconds from work and don't have to encounter people who may know the result of the game, unless they come into the store.

 

[Groupie_]

Should have told her that she will have her 21st at the footy and she has no choice..

Wow what a shitty situation, I feel for you CNB.

 

[The House]

Sure, and I kind of agree with you and House (although I do think it's been a bit overstated, nothing is ever black and white). It's just that House was using the OP as an example - which was misunderstanding the poor young fella's actual problem. Ironically, he seems to be a perfect example of what you were both saying.

Yeah apologies if i didn't make it clear, I wasn't really talking just about the OP during a lot of that....

.....went on a bit of a rant speaking generally about people wanting to watch footy (because they enjoy it), and being made to feel bad/getting in "trouble"/in the bad books/emotional blackmail/controlled and conditioned because their partner doesn't (because they don't enjoy it).

In relation to the OP, she's done nothing wrong here - he organised the time and place, and now sounds like he has at least some reservations.

If I was him and had made the same mistake, I would simply say to my gf that I'd stuffed up does she mind if we celebrate the occasions on the Friday night - i know she wouldn't mind because really, the main thing is you celebrate together (Friday, Saturday, what's the difference), although if she couldn't do Friday because of other plans, then I'd suck it up and take her out rather than dissappoint her.

The one thing that I think should be taken as a given, is that it will be nigh on impossible to avoid the result if you're anywhere near Melbourne on Satnite - when I'm out and I've tried to avoid results, it VERY RARELY happens....and when it does, it's usually a nothing game that no one cares about anyway!! To the OP, assume you will not get home without knowing who won, and enjoy the night anyway.

 

[The House]

And while we're at it, I'm sending out a really big "get ****ed you selfish basterds" to all those people who have organised weddings on grand final day!!

 

[Stewies Power]

a) leave your phone at home or give it to your gf and make sure she doesn't give it back to you

b) leave before the match finishes so you don't see any fans coming back from the game

c) watch the game on your IQ

d) give her birthday sex

 

[Tyrion Lanister]

Lets be honest your both roughly 21 and you have been together 3 years. Meaning its likely at some point she has or has thought about banging another bloke hardcore kitchen style behind your back.

This is what women do and its how they think, if she hasn't already you are about 6 months away from the inevitable "I am going out with my girlfriends tonight" phone call and not long after she hangs up the phone she is chowing own on the best 6 odd inches of pure bliss she has ever experienced.

Now I don't want to bring your girlfriends morals into question but its just the way they are, its what they do. No disrespect to her or you but females cannot be stopped once they tick past that 32 month mark.

Now to ensure you get to watch the football you need to make sure that your girlfriend is aware that you know what she has done or is planning to do. So you casually start mentioning that you expect her to cheat on you (whether she has or hasnt the guilt will start in her head), do it casually as we already know she has done it or is about to do it and she knows it. Things like once day i know you will taste another man but I am cool with that you need to experience new things we are young.

What will happen is she will end up self hating for what she has either already done or is about to do and will start to be nicer to you. From there its open season, you simply say you really want to go to the football and we will celebrate her birthday another time maybe next year.

Trust me it works.

 

[Mr Mojo Risin]

Now there's a thought. If you are already going to spend a **** load on the wedding reception anyway, then just have it at the Grand Final with all guests having corporate packages. That's the kind of wedding I'd love to go to on Grand Final day!

 

[Mr Mojo Risin]

Lets be honest your both roughly 21 and you have been together 3 years. Meaning its likely at some point she has or has thought about banging another bloke hardcore kitchen style behind your back.

This is what women do and its how they think, if she hasn't already you are about 6 months away from the inevitable "I am going out with my girlfriends tonight" phone call and not long after she hangs up the phone she is chowing own on the best 6 odd inches of pure bliss she has ever experienced.

Now I don't want to bring your girlfriends morals into question but its just the way they are, its what they do. No disrespect to her or you but females cannot be stopped once they tick past that 32 month mark.

Now to ensure you get to watch the football you need to make sure that your girlfriend is aware that you know what she has done or is planning to do. So you casually start mentioning that you expect her to cheat on you (whether she has or hasnt the guilt will start in her head), do it casually as we already know she has done it or is about to do it and she knows it. Things like once day i know you will taste another man but I am cool with that you need to experience new things we are young.

What will happen is she will end up self hating for what she has either already done or is about to do and will start to be nicer to you. From there its open season, you simply say you really want to go to the football and we will celebrate her birthday another time maybe next year.

Trust me it works.

Just because it's happened to you that doesn't mean it happens to everyone. Some people's girlfriends are satisfied where they are. Maybe you need to look at why they are happy to cheat on you?

 

[Jesse Custer]

You'd give up a GF for a social engagement? What could it possibly be? Only a wedding I assume, and anyone w***erish enough to book it on GF day doesn't deserve to have anyone attend.

Yeah a wedding or christening of a close relative. If its just a party then **** that. Footy for me.

As for the bolded bit, unfortunately there are a lot of people that don't give a shit about the footy. If it's someone close to you, you gotta go.

 

[Tyrion Lanister]

Just because it's happened to you that doesn't mean it happens to everyone. Some people's girlfriends are satisfied where they are. Maybe you need to look at why they are happy to cheat on you?

Your woman isn't satisfied i can guarantee it.

I used this way of relationship control many a time, I haven't had one hate themselves enough to kill themselves yet but i have had the odd cutter and a few episodes with drugs and alcohol which leave me in hope that one day ill achieve the holy grail of psychological abuse, the suicider.

Its that point of self loathing and lack of respect for themselves that provides the greatest sexual toys known to man. The balance point is on the edge of th abyss but mark my words if you can push one to that point you will be a very sexually satisfied man.

 

[Mr Mojo Risin]

Your woman isn't satisfied i can guarantee it.

I used this way of relationship control many a time, I haven't had one hate themselves enough to kill themselves yet but i have had the odd cutter and a few episodes with drugs and alcohol which leave me in hope that one day ill achieve the holy grail of psychological abuse, the suicider.

Its that point of self loathing and lack of respect for themselves that provides the greatest sexual toys known to man. The balance point is on the edge of th abyss but mark my words if you can push one to that point you will be a very sexually satisfied man.

Hahaha I see why you have the join date you do. Not man enough to post this tripe under your usual username.

You thrive on doubt, lowering self esteem and abuse. It's a cowardly way to a very selfish end.

Both my girlfriend and I are very sexually satisfied. But I appreciate your concern.

Some people are able to get the same result without resorting to what you do.

 

[Tyrion Lanister]

Hahaha I see why you have the join date you do. Not man enough to post this tripe under your usual username.

You thrive on doubt, lowering self esteem and abuse. It's a cowardly way to a very selfish end.

Both my girlfriend and I are very sexually satisfied. But I appreciate your concern.

Some people are able to get the same result without resorting to what you do.

I dont have a usual username.

I doubt you and your fictional girlfriend are satisfied.

You wouldn't know the results i get as you have never tried it, so you cannot comment on the results.

 

[Mr Mojo Risin]

Mmmkay...Uhuh

 

[Tyrion Lanister]

Mmmkay...Uhuh

Im not sure what your problem is mate but your attitude is a little off

 

[The Goon]

Im not sure what your problem is mate but your attitude is a little off

I give you a 4/10. The real character is more self depreciating - makes the nastiness understandable. You've got the bitterness down right though.

 

[Franc de Borges]

Tyrion speaks much truth and most don't like to hear it. I've never attempted the abuse methods but the reasoning is sound.