Vintage Bay Mofra's Bottom 50 of 2017 - the "finals were better last year" Edition

[TedDougChris]

2>1 numbnuts.

I wouldn't worry, most of them have never seen a premiership player, so wouldn't recognise one

 

[darklake]

I wouldn't worry, most of them have never seen a premiership player, so wouldn't recognise one

Not likely to in the near future either.

 

[Wenners]

where's stringer?

 

[MC Bad Genius]

where's stringer?

The same question his ex partner would ask on a night basis.

 

[Lord_Flashheart]

Player 22 - Tom Hickey



Tom Hickey was a Queensland zone selection for Gold Coast in 2010 which was like a pre-draft-draft for the Suns, so they are basically the toolies of the AFL. He is a 201cm ruckman who the Saints traded for, giving up... pick 13? Jesus that's a bad trade.

To be fair, we used this pick to grab Jesse Lonergan (who I expect may feature further up the poll), so Swings and roundabouts

 

[Mofra]

Player 21 - Brent Stanton


Pictured: Brent Stanton's pregnancy came as a complete surprise and represents yet another unforeseen side-effect from the supplements program

Brent Stanton is an Essendon midfielder who, in his first season (2004) as a first round pick, managed to play in a 5 point finals victory. It remains the last finals win Essendon have managed in that time. He had 3 touches that day.

For years Stanton has been a 'maligned' player at Essendon/Tullamarine and it seems Bombers fans got their wish this year as Stanton was slowly phased out of the team. "Kind of" dropped after round 5 ("senior emergency" being about as dignified as "pretend girlfriend") he did actually play VFL in round 8 after being dropped again. A round 10 15 touch effort in the VFL managed to get him back into the senior team for one last game against GWS (confusing all neutrals who didn't know which team to boo more) but he was destined to play the rest of the year in the VFL as Essendon chased their first finals win since 2004 (still waiting).

Stanton must have been held in high regard internally though - I mean Essendon held in high regard, not that his insides were... nevermind.

He was given the no 5 jumper at the start of the 2008 season in a move that concerned some Essendon fans as they didn't want the no 5 jumper to have it's reputation sullied by anyone other than Hird himself. Again, as irony would have it, fate gave them what they wanted once again.

The irony of booing an Essendon no. 5 isn't lost on anyone who remembers that Brent Stanton who was booed well before Jobe Watson was - difference being it was his own fans that would do it:

ESSENDON legend Matthew Lloyd says Bomber fans 'stooped to a new low' when they cheered after Brent Stanton was concussed yesterday.

Lloyd said Essendon supporters were "right up there" with the worst in the league at attacking their own players.

Fortunately it was all sunshine and roses for Essendon and Stanton after 2011.

As for the future, Stanton retired at the end of 2017 and signed on to become a Carlton development coach where his amazing run on not being involved in winning finals looks set to continue. He will also run out for his junior club Banyule after (we can only assume) turning down an offer from North Melbourne because they've been linked to just about everyone this year.

Brent, Stants, congratulations on playing for well over a decade, bad luck at Carlton but good luck at Banyule. Welcome to the Bottom 50.

 

[DanWA]

I wouldn't worry, most of them have never seen a premiership player, so wouldn't recognise one

premiership*

 

[3rd Grade Maggy]

Player 21 - Brent Stanton


Pictured: Brent Stanton's pregnancy came as a complete surprise and represents yet another unforeseen side-effect from the supplements program

Champagne captioning there again fella.

 

[Dinsdale]

is it just me or has Mofra 's avatar gone a bit blurry? You'd think he could afford a few more pixels being a highly paid mod? anyhow, another good update

 

[TedDougChris]

premiership*

#saltybutthurt

 

[SaintsSeptember]

They probably should have retired him a season earlier, but some bright spark at the club thought it would be good to have some people with "Finals Winning Experience" for their "shot at the flag".

 

[TedDougChris]

They probably should have retired him a season earlier, but some bright spark at the club thought it would be good to have some people with "Finals Winning Experience" for their "shot at the flag".

They were having 'shots' for a flag a few years ago, didn't work well then, seems nothing has changed....

 

[yyou]

The same question his ex partner would ask on a night basis.

& high school dance chaperones

 

[Sleezy]

Player 21 - Brent Stanton


Pictured: Brent Stanton's pregnancy came as a complete surprise and represents yet another unforeseen side-effect from the supplements program

Brent Stanton is an Essendon midfielder who, in his first season (2004) as a first round pick, managed to play in a 5 point finals victory. It remains the last finals win Essendon have managed in that time. He had 3 touches that day.

For years Stanton has been a 'maligned' player at Essendon/Tullamarine and it seems Bombers fans got their wish this year as Stanton was slowly phased out of the team. "Kind of" dropped after round 5 ("senior emergency" being about as dignified as "pretend girlfriend") he did actually play VFL in round 8 after being dropped again. A round 10 15 touch effort in the VFL managed to get him back into the senior team for one last game against GWS (confusing all neutrals who didn't know which team to boo more) but he was destined to play the rest of the year in the VFL as Essendon chased their first finals win since 2004 (still waiting).

Stanton must have been held in high regard internally though - I mean Essendon held in high regard, not that his insides were... nevermind.

He was given the no 5 jumper at the start of the 2008 season in a move that concerned some Essendon fans as they didn't want the no 5 jumper to have it's reputation sullied by anyone other than Hird himself. Again, as irony would have it, fate gave them what they wanted once again.

The irony of booing an Essendon no. 5 isn't lost on anyone who remembers that Brent Stanton who was booed well before Jobe Watson was - difference being it was his own fans that would do it:

Fortunately it was all sunshine and roses for Essendon and Stanton after 2011.

As for the future, Stanton retired at the end of 2017 and signed on to become a Carlton development coach where his amazing run on not being involved in winning finals looks set to continue. He will also run out for his junior club Banyule after (we can only assume) turning down an offer from North Melbourne because they've been linked to just about everyone this year.

Brent, Stants, congratulations on playing for well over a decade, bad luck at Carlton but good luck at Banyule. Welcome to the Bottom 50.

I'll always remember the 15 weeks of 2012 when Brent was, somehow, one of the premier players in the competition.

Recent history has provided the perfect explanation for what was a baffling turn of events at the time.

 

[Wosh]

Pictured: Brent Stanton's pregnancy came as a complete surprise and represents yet another unforeseen side-effect from the supplements program

Many lulz

 

[craffles]

mods pls unsticky. every ****ing year this take wayy tooooo long

 

[TheInjuryFactory]

Player 24 - Nick Suban

Nick Suban has no neck. Google images search it, it's freaky-weird. Even Cam McCarthy had to check it out during his first game:



Anyway now that's out of the way, Nick Suban is a kind of midfielder at Fremantle who, over the past couple of years, has been almost-AFL standard but not quite been showing it on field.
He almost gets enough ball to be a mid in his own right, doesn't have much hurt factor, and I still can't get over the fact he has no neck. How does he eat? Can someone with that short an esophagus develop enough of a gag reflex to stop himself from choking? Can you burp with a 14 millimeter trachea?

Anyway, Nick Suban has played 148 games and has been caught holding the ball in at least 148 of those games. It's actually amazing to watch; forget 10-game streak DVDs, we need a "Nick Suban caught holding the ball" compilation DVD. Even Plugger would buy it. I guess without a neck to draw frees from he can't Selwood himself out of those situations.

This is why

Anyway, Nick Suban has played 148 games and has been caught holding the ball in at least 148 of those games. It's actually amazing to watch; forget 10-game streak DVDs, we need a "Nick Suban caught holding the ball" compilation DVD. Even Plugger would buy it. I guess without a neck to draw frees from he can't Selwood himself out of those situations.

https://www.bigfooty.com/forum/threads/official-nick-suban-holding-the-ball-watch-2017

 

[Freofalcon]

Player 24 - Nick Suban


Pictured: Owen Wilson and Ben Stiller reprise their roles for Zoolander 4 - Going Downunder

Nick Suban has no neck. Google images search it, it's freaky-weird. Even Cam McCarthy had to check it out during his first game:



Anyway now that's out of the way, Nick Suban is a kind of midfielder at Fremantle who, over the past couple of years, has been almost-AFL standard but not quite been showing it on field.
He almost gets enough ball to be a mid in his own right, doesn't have much hurt factor, and I still can't get over the fact he has no neck. How does he eat? Can someone with that short an esophagus develop enough of a gag reflex to stop himself from choking? Can you burp with a 14 millimeter trachea?

Anyway, Nick Suban has played 148 games and has been caught holding the ball in at least 148 of those games. It's actually amazing to watch; forget 10-game streak DVDs, we need a "Nick Suban caught holding the ball" compilation DVD. Even Plugger would buy it. I guess without a neck to draw frees from he can't Selwood himself out of those situations.

In 2017 Nick started round 1 in the Freo senior side because if there's one thing Ross Lyon is known for, it's his sense of humour. He tried to tag but it didn't work so after two games he went back to Peel which to most of us is something you twist into an Old Fashioned but in west that's a football team, just like to most of us purple means your grip is too hard but in the west is a football colour.

By round 14 Fremantle were starting to plan for 2018 (or 2081, the last year of Lyon's contract) so Suban was back in as a tackling machine. Sure he didn't get the ball much or stop his opponent too often but he did manage a 10 tackle game twice, against North and the Suns who by that stage were playing kids so raw if they were onions only Tony Abbott would eat them. Actually scratch that last sentence, re-reading it I'm getting about 3 unsavoury images in my head that are disturbing me and this is from a guy who has participated in orgies so depraved that even the goat looked embarrassed the next morning.

Anyway back to Suban. He was an unrestricted free agent this year and potentially the only player in the competition North weren't actively chasing. He attracted less interest than nude photos of Rebel Wilson, to the shock of virtually nobody.

Fun fact: unlike Cyril Rioli, Nick Suban actually is delicious given Chris Masten decided to taste him and after savouring his flavor was eventually rubbed out by three men. Then 22 blokes in short shorts hugged and sang a song together. And they say AFL isn't inclusive!

At the end of the season Suban was delisted by Fremantle which means he's a 50/50 shot at becoming a handy role player at an expansion club, which refers to GCS or GWS and not the ranks of AFL retirees who immediately get fat.

Nick, Subes, 148 games isn't bad for a kid from Bacchus Marsh. Welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2017.

If he spent less time on his "Blue Steel" and more time on training, he may have made 150.

 

[A Cut Above]

I might as well finish the job.

 

[Bennett.]

I might as well finish the job.

Wow!

 

[GetDimmaBack]

Player 21 - Brent Stanton


Pictured: Brent Stanton's pregnancy came as a complete surprise and represents yet another unforeseen side-effect from the supplements program

Brent Stanton is an Essendon midfielder who, in his first season (2004) as a first round pick, managed to play in a 5 point finals victory. It remains the last finals win Essendon have managed in that time. He had 3 touches that day.

For years Stanton has been a 'maligned' player at Essendon/Tullamarine and it seems Bombers fans got their wish this year as Stanton was slowly phased out of the team. "Kind of" dropped after round 5 ("senior emergency" being about as dignified as "pretend girlfriend") he did actually play VFL in round 8 after being dropped again. A round 10 15 touch effort in the VFL managed to get him back into the senior team for one last game against GWS (confusing all neutrals who didn't know which team to boo more) but he was destined to play the rest of the year in the VFL as Essendon chased their first finals win since 2004 (still waiting).

Stanton must have been held in high regard internally though - I mean Essendon held in high regard, not that his insides were... nevermind.

He was given the no 5 jumper at the start of the 2008 season in a move that concerned some Essendon fans as they didn't want the no 5 jumper to have it's reputation sullied by anyone other than Hird himself. Again, as irony would have it, fate gave them what they wanted once again.

The irony of booing an Essendon no. 5 isn't lost on anyone who remembers that Brent Stanton who was booed well before Jobe Watson was - difference being it was his own fans that would do it:

Fortunately it was all sunshine and roses for Essendon and Stanton after 2011.

As for the future, Stanton retired at the end of 2017 and signed on to become a Carlton development coach where his amazing run on not being involved in winning finals looks set to continue. He will also run out for his junior club Banyule after (we can only assume) turning down an offer from North Melbourne because they've been linked to just about everyone this year.

Brent, Stants, congratulations on playing for well over a decade, bad luck at Carlton but good luck at Banyule. Welcome to the Bottom 50.

May the ghost of Jimmy always walk the corridors of *

 

[Starburns_]

I might as well finish the job.

And one further:

 

[Ant_]

Pictured: Brent Stanton's pregnancy came as a complete surprise and represents yet another unforeseen side-effect from the supplements program

Many lulz

One of my favourite captions so far

 

[Wosh]

One of my favourite captions so far

Bottom 50 HOF

 

[SCRAY72]

Paying Vickery not to play is far better than paying Boyd to play.

Slight difference.
One guy went to a club and won a premiership
The other left a club who won it after he left.