Lame Jokes Part 2

[Andrewy]

I had a very nice date last night.

It was perfect. Tomorrow, I’ll have a grape.

 

[Andrewy]

What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?

The Christmas alphabet has Noel.

 

[philreich]

I spoke yesterday to a bloke who asked his parents what they did before the advent of the internet. They said they didn't know, and neither did any of his 26 brothers and sisters.

 

[philreich]

I found a book called How to Solve 50% of Your Problems.

So I bought 2.

Is that related somehow to someone getting scared half to death twice?

 

[Andrewy]

What’s the most popular Christmas wine?

‘But I don’t like Brussels sprouts!’

 

[Andrewy]

I have this weird talent where I can tell what’s inside a wrapped present.

It’s a gift

 

[philreich]

There are 2 types of people in the world - those who can extrapolate from incomplete data, and

 

[Wallaby]

I thought there are 10 types of people in this world - those who understand Binary notation and those who don't.

 

[Andrewy]

Do you know what seems odd to me?


Numbers that aren’t divisible by two.

 

[philreich]

I thought there are 10 types of people in this world - those who understand Binary notation and those who don't.

At one point I thought there were 4 types - those who can count, those with poor memories, and those who can count.

 

[Wallaby]

There are two types of people in this world - those who think Alan Jones is a twat, and Alan Jones.

 

[Andrewy]

Everyone knows Murphy’s Law, where “anything that can go wrong will go wrong.”

But do you know Cole’s Law? It’s thinly sliced cabbage.

 

[Andrewy]

I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas.

She told me that nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace.

So I bought her nothing.

 

[Andrewy]

The jumper I got for Christmas kept picking up static electricity, so I took it back and exchanged it for another one.

Free of charge!