LeverPuller
BigFooty Tanker
- Jun 23, 2011
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- AFL Club
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By Carowhine Blobinson
Today, our sources/bin scavengers/friends named Dank have revealed sordid new details about the operations of both the football department and the administration of the Melbourne Football Club. We can EXCLUSIVELY reveal that Fairfax/NewsCorp/the local drunk hobo has discovered brand new allegations about the Demons which further cast doubt on the running of the club.
The Melbourne Football Club has been found to be one of the most sexist organisations in the world. This is due to them not having a single female on their playing list at all. When the club was called on this issue, they laughed and hung up the phone. Our sources believe they refuse to employ a woman because they believe all their players already play like girls, and thus see no need to employ an actual woman. Nevertheless, it is a bitter blow to the equal opportunity battle across the country.
Further to this, the Melbourne Football Club have been found to be involved in the latest raid by Customs. A massive haul of cocaine, thought to have a street value of over $40 million, was found in a storage room at the club's AAMI Park facilities. When the club was questioned about the room, they informed the media that it was Colin Sylvia's private meditation room and did not elaborate further, also refusing to confirm as to whether Buddy Franklin has been seen catching up with Sylvia lately.
Finally, the football media have been shocked to learn that Andrew Demetriou is not actually Satan, but instead former Melbourne Football Club CEO Cameron Schwab is. When Don McLardy was questioned as to why Lucifer himself was employed by the club, he suggested that it was merely a fabrication by the football media. When a photo of Schwab with a clammy appearance and one arm covered in demonic symbols was then shown to him, he instead muttered 'he lied, I'm sacrificing my job and yet we're still not winning!'
We at the Herald Age will remain all over this story as more breaks.
Today, our sources/bin scavengers/friends named Dank have revealed sordid new details about the operations of both the football department and the administration of the Melbourne Football Club. We can EXCLUSIVELY reveal that Fairfax/NewsCorp/the local drunk hobo has discovered brand new allegations about the Demons which further cast doubt on the running of the club.
The Melbourne Football Club has been found to be one of the most sexist organisations in the world. This is due to them not having a single female on their playing list at all. When the club was called on this issue, they laughed and hung up the phone. Our sources believe they refuse to employ a woman because they believe all their players already play like girls, and thus see no need to employ an actual woman. Nevertheless, it is a bitter blow to the equal opportunity battle across the country.
Further to this, the Melbourne Football Club have been found to be involved in the latest raid by Customs. A massive haul of cocaine, thought to have a street value of over $40 million, was found in a storage room at the club's AAMI Park facilities. When the club was questioned about the room, they informed the media that it was Colin Sylvia's private meditation room and did not elaborate further, also refusing to confirm as to whether Buddy Franklin has been seen catching up with Sylvia lately.
Finally, the football media have been shocked to learn that Andrew Demetriou is not actually Satan, but instead former Melbourne Football Club CEO Cameron Schwab is. When Don McLardy was questioned as to why Lucifer himself was employed by the club, he suggested that it was merely a fabrication by the football media. When a photo of Schwab with a clammy appearance and one arm covered in demonic symbols was then shown to him, he instead muttered 'he lied, I'm sacrificing my job and yet we're still not winning!'
We at the Herald Age will remain all over this story as more breaks.
