Best and Worst jokes ever heard...

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It had been snowing all night. So at ....

8:00 I made a snowman.

8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman.

8:15 So, I made a snow woman

8:17 My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified snow women everywhere

8:20 The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snowmen instead

8:22 The transgender person asked why I didn't just make one snow person with detachable parts

8:25 The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.

8:28 I am being called a racist because the snow couple is white..

8:31 The Muslim gent across the road demands the snow woman wear a burqa

8:40 The Police arrive saying someone has been offended

8:42 The feminist neighbour complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needs to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role

8:43 The council equalities officer arrived and threatened me with eviction

8:45 TV news crew from the BBC shows up. I am asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow-women? I reply, "Snowballs" and am called a sexist.

9:00 I'm on the News as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobic sensibility offender bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather.

9:10 I am asked if I have any accomplices... My children are taken by social services

9:29 Far left protesters offended by everything are marching down the street demanding for me to be beheaded

Moral: There is no moral to this story. It's just the world in which we live today and it's going to get worse.

Sadly this is becoming the truth
 

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My wife told me 3 girls in her office got flowers. They're absolutely gorgeous, she added.

That's probably why they got them, I replied.
 
My wife was trying on her new dress.

"Does my ass look big in this?" She asked.

I walked out the room, down the stairs, out the front door and all the way to the end of the road...

...I called her from there and said: "Not from here it doesn't.
 

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A horse was looking over a fence watching a game of cricket.
"Any chance of a game" he asked the captain, who was fielding on the fence. At first, the captain was taken aback by the talking horse but, when it insisted it was keen to play, the captain thought it might be a laugh if he sent the horse out to open the batting.
The horse shaped up to the first ball and slammed it over the boundary for six. He did the same with the second and third. Indeed, every ball he hit for six until the over ended.
The captain was at the other end and faced the first ball of the next over. The captain hit the ball for a single and called for the horse to run. But the horse just stood there. Frantic calls to run were ignored and, in the confusion, the captain was run out.
"Why didn't you run?" roared the captain.
"Listed mate," said the horse, "If I could run I would be at Flemington today, not playing cricket here with you."
 
:tearsofjoy::tearsofjoy::tearsofjoy:

Saw this on Facebook ...


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A young woman had been taking golf lessons...
As she got better she decided to to take her game to the course...

During her first round of golf she suffered a bee sting...
Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help and to complain...

Her golf pro Michael saw her come into the club house, so he went over and asked "why are you back in so early? what's wrong?"

'I was stung by a bee.' she said

'Oh no, where?' he asked

'Between the first and second hole' she replied

He nodded knowingly and said, ' Then your feet were too far apart'
 
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