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Don't know his name, don't care to, but here's some advice:

- You work for the New Idea. Your readership is still getting their heads around pesto, so don't act like you're Neil Perry. You are rubbish.

- It's not your money you are handing away. You are not personally bankrolling the show. You are just a cheap lackey who got the gig because New Idea sponsor the show and they wanted a tie in with your rubbish recipes.

- Whilst you may think you are being scathing and witty, you are being as lame as a female comedian.

- Once again, you work for New Idea. The 16yo who cooks my cheeseburger at McDonalds has as much culinary flair. Go get a real job.

- Stop being such a ponce for the sake of being a ponce. Just shut up, nobody cares.