Footypie32
especias secreto
SFAFETY REPORT
As it is with all Corporations and Organisations, the SFA must undertake regular safety inspections. As the self-appointed Sweet FA Health and Safety Representative (I came to this conclusion after reading a copy of Okey's "Democratic Leadership for Dummies") I have inspected each of the 12 teams and compiled my findings in a report.
All breaches of Health and Safety will be brought to the attention of league Administrator, okeydoke7 and each team's captain. They will then be given a reasonable amount of time to correct each breach or face hefty fines, ranging from $100,000 to giving me a foot rub with assorted lotions. Penalties are non-negotiable.
Coney Island Warriors
What could possibly be dangerous at an amusement park you may ask? Well, for starters, none of the rides had visible height restrictions at the entrance, meaning younger posters like bffl and HaroLad could be put at risk. Allowing these juveniles to ride high octane rides like the Teacup is simply not on.
Secondly, I was disgusted to find the "Fairy" floss only contained 36% actual fairy. The rest was made up of the hair of various other fairytale creatures and 2% dental floss. Rules state that to be labelled as "Fairy" floss it must contain at least 89% fairy.
Penalties: For the first breach I direct that a sign indicating no persons shorter than 160cm may ride the Teacup be erected before the start of Season 19 or a fine of $25,000 will be issued.
For the second offence, I declare that no "Fairy" floss shall be sold on Coney Island until the quota of 89% is reached or Frankston Rover be chained to a Leprechaun for the entirety of Season 19.
Roys FFC
On first inspection everything seemed fine until I saw Fred attempting to climb the stairs at the entrance to the club. The absence of an easy-access ramp was obvious. The poor old bugger spilt most of his G&T before he even got through the door.
Next I found that 8 members of the Roys FFC were wearing their trousers too high, in a manner that "prevented adequate blood and air circulation around the testicles". If left unchanged could lead to an outbreak of "Blue-ball" through out the club.
Penalties: For the first offence I direct an easy access ramp be installed before the start of Season 19 or a fine of $15,000 will be issued.
For the second offence I direct that a seminar be held immediately on "the correct height for the wearing of trousers" or a ban on all trousers shall be imposed for Season 19.
Geelong Wolves
While I did not notice any immediate dangers during my visit to the Wolves club rooms, on inspection of their Safe Operating Procedures (SOPs) I notice there was no SOP for Captaincy take over bids. When I interviewed several Wolves players (who shall remain anonymous) they commented that they were not made aware of the relevant exits during the clubs latest Captaincy coup, meaning many were left stranded inside the club. This lead to confusion and panic. A deadly combination.
Penalties: I direct that the Wolves will update all their relevant SOPs before the start of Season 19 or A Bit High will be removed from office and replace by Inanimate Carbon Rod who will act as a proxy for Deleted.