PhenomenalV1
The Deletion Artist
- Jan 3, 2017
- 13,848
- 29,422
- AFL Club
- Carlton
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- East Side Hawks, Matt Hardy
From the files of PhenomenalV1: Private Eye
The Case of the Ultimate Gladiator
It's never a good time when the cops show up at your apartment at 2 AM. Even less so when it's the Chief of the Sweet PD.
"Mr V1, by all rights, I shouldn't be talking to you," drawled The Filth Wizard, his face lit only by the glow of his cigarette. "But I'll be damned if you don't know the criminals of this city better than I do, and I need your knowledge to crack my current case."
I raised an eyebrow, lighting up my own 2AM special: a Cuban, densely packed with tobacco that would grate my tonsils in the best way possible.
"The Wonders Club, huh? You know I've got no evidence that could possibly help you."
Filthy reached into his pocket, and handed me a wad of $20 bills.
"Alright, so here's what I know: the guy who shot Captain Bob and Cadet zackah is a so-called "gentleman thief" by the name of AnUltimateRessie. He's the guy responsible for stealing the Coney Island Gladiator statue."
It was Filthy's turn to raise an eyebrow.
"How d'you know that, Phenom?"
"I've saw the statue the last time I went to his apartment for a coffee. He had his crew over too. Lemme tell ya, I've never seen a bunch of sorrier lookin' figures in all my time scouting the streets."
Filthy took out his notebook and a pencil.
"I want descriptions and names."
"Well firstly there's his heavy BigChippa52, a lumbering bald brute of a man. There's his archivist ClarkeM, a man who cannot shut up. And lastly there was Pamcake1, the cleaning lady who personally scrubs Ressie's fingerprints off the crime scenes."
Filthy scrawled something down, and walked out the door.
"Thanks Phenom. I'll send Captain Barrybran round later with your official reward."
As soon as he was gone, I heard a rattle from the fire escape. I knew who that was.
"You can make yourself known, Ressie, he's left."
Ressie's face appeared at my window, and he thrust a diamond into my palm.
"That's the Eye of the Gladiator there, Phenom. A little thank you for the publicity you'll be giving me once Chippa's broken me out of jail. Glad you could help with setting up Chief Filth Wizard."
I gave a quick smirk, but I needed to give Ressie one last piece of advice before his big prison break-out. It went a little something like this:
Captains, please have your team sheets submitted by 11:59 PM AWST on Thursday.
The Case of the Ultimate Gladiator
It's never a good time when the cops show up at your apartment at 2 AM. Even less so when it's the Chief of the Sweet PD.
"Mr V1, by all rights, I shouldn't be talking to you," drawled The Filth Wizard, his face lit only by the glow of his cigarette. "But I'll be damned if you don't know the criminals of this city better than I do, and I need your knowledge to crack my current case."
I raised an eyebrow, lighting up my own 2AM special: a Cuban, densely packed with tobacco that would grate my tonsils in the best way possible.
"The Wonders Club, huh? You know I've got no evidence that could possibly help you."
Filthy reached into his pocket, and handed me a wad of $20 bills.
"Alright, so here's what I know: the guy who shot Captain Bob and Cadet zackah is a so-called "gentleman thief" by the name of AnUltimateRessie. He's the guy responsible for stealing the Coney Island Gladiator statue."
It was Filthy's turn to raise an eyebrow.
"How d'you know that, Phenom?"
"I've saw the statue the last time I went to his apartment for a coffee. He had his crew over too. Lemme tell ya, I've never seen a bunch of sorrier lookin' figures in all my time scouting the streets."
Filthy took out his notebook and a pencil.
"I want descriptions and names."
"Well firstly there's his heavy BigChippa52, a lumbering bald brute of a man. There's his archivist ClarkeM, a man who cannot shut up. And lastly there was Pamcake1, the cleaning lady who personally scrubs Ressie's fingerprints off the crime scenes."
Filthy scrawled something down, and walked out the door.
"Thanks Phenom. I'll send Captain Barrybran round later with your official reward."
As soon as he was gone, I heard a rattle from the fire escape. I knew who that was.
"You can make yourself known, Ressie, he's left."
Ressie's face appeared at my window, and he thrust a diamond into my palm.
"That's the Eye of the Gladiator there, Phenom. A little thank you for the publicity you'll be giving me once Chippa's broken me out of jail. Glad you could help with setting up Chief Filth Wizard."
I gave a quick smirk, but I needed to give Ressie one last piece of advice before his big prison break-out. It went a little something like this:
Captains, please have your team sheets submitted by 11:59 PM AWST on Thursday.
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