Vintage Bay Mofra's Bottom 50 for 2018

[TedDougChris]

Is Mof going for the ultimate troll, posting Boyd at #1, during the maintenance period, only to have it deleted ??

 

[skam85]

Tex, Boyd or Watts. Someone is going to be Nollsy in this situation.

 

[ferrisb]

Thank god, I thought it was just me that had the irrational hatred for Clippy the paperclip.

It's gay as well, not that there's anything wrong with that.

It looks like you're writing a letter.

Would you like help?

 

[EskimoPAFC]

Tex, Boyd or Watts. Someone is going to be Nollsy in this situation.

Watts has already gone

Probably a few others still in contention but pretty likely to be Tex or Boyd now. I feel like it has to be Boyd but I just don't see how a writer like Mof could miss the chance to run train on Collective Minds.

 

[Dogs_R_Us]

Tex, Boyd or Watts. Someone is going to be Nollsy in this situation.

Watts was number 7. I opt for Wingnut

 

[The_torpedo]

Inb4 'the Collective Minds of the Crows footy club who decided to go on the camp' is at #1

 

[Starburns_]

Mof might give Tex a moral entry that doesn't actually count, like the Jobe Watson asterisk one.

 

[Werewolf]

As someone who follows a perennially-unsuccessful club, I can only fantasize about being in the Bulldog's position.

Boyd basically WON YOU A PREMIERSHIP.

He could light up a smoke in the middle of a game, and he still has earned every cent you would ever pay him, forever.... he made you PREMIERS.

I wouldn't care if it was a couple of years ago, not in the slightest... I still listen to people tell stories of being there in 1966. This is recent history... that would do me.

Yeah pretty much. Maybe we should hypnotize him before every game, tell him it's the Grand Final and he'll rise to the occasion

Hopefully the Saints break their drought, but it won't happen with Richo in charge

 

[76woodenspooners]

No Pies on list? Clearly Daniel Wells will get a gig at 1 or 2.

Jordan Roughead

 

[Mofra]

Player #1 - Tom Boyd

Pictured: Tom Boyd celebrates making Brian Taylor swear on MMM

In the end, there could be only one. The one. The man, the myth, the legend himself.

This summary could be very short and simple: the Bulldogs this year had statistically the worst forward 50 efficiency coupled with statistically the worst ruck division in the competition, and Tom Boyd is a million dollar ruck/forward. Putting everything into the Mofrometer in a variety of ways still led to Tom being the unanimous choice as the no 1 player this year.

Yes I am aware he was fantastic at the end of 2016, but this is the 2018 Bottom 50. Past exploits are no guarantee of future (or current) performance in a sporting theory known as 'the Mundine principle'.

Tom went at half a goal per game and 17 hit outs on average this year, coupled with roughly 7 effective disposals per game with a disposal efficiency below 65%. He managed 10 scoring shots in total for the year at 200cm and 103kgs. His metres gained average this year was 165m - most cups of luke-warm mid strength beer at Etihad travel further per game.
As a ruckman he was 'an honest battler' and as a forward he was 'looking like a resting ruckman' which might be ok for a 20 year old off the rookie list but this was a consensus pick #1 picked just ahead of Josh Kelly at 2 and Marcus Bontempelli at pick 4.
He did have the good sense to wait only 12 months prior to getting the hell out of Western Sydney (unlike half of Carlton's list that wait a few years) but even then he cost pick 6 and a former pick 3 who was also the club captain and the third best in his team player according to B&F results.
Tellingly, only a few days earlier the Giants declared he would "not be traded under any circumstances" which was about a believable as a St Kilda player saying "we'll just cuddle, I swear". That u-turn was sadly a faster change of direction than anything Tom's shown in the past 2 years.

He's also taken only 20 contested marks in the past two years despite being a man mountain and the theories on this are numerous. One of those theories talked about at length on the Bulldogs board is the small size of his hands relative to his height (seriously). This Trump theory makes sense when you consider he also is overpaid and was once orange. You know what they say - smal hands smlal... gloves. Apologies for the typos, somteimes it's hrad to type proprely with my massive hands.

Gary Lyon, the 'Wayne Carey' of the commentary world, described Boyd as extremely disappointing this year citing his lack of presence in contests. It's true given Boyd this year was overtaken by Schache who was a last minute, 2nd & 3rd rounder trade at the end of 2017 after two unproductive years at Brisbane. Schache is also two years younger than Tom and covers more ground as a forward.

Tom has done some fantastic work this year in the mental health sphere and by all accounts is a thoughtful young man, a deep thinker who is considerate of others which is almost a shame as the best tall forwards appear to be self-absorbed glory hunters with egos bigger than Vihrat Kohli on a coke bender. I'm sure being under constant scrutiny would be a little of an ego-killer but seriously Tom you're 200cm, built like a bricksh....elter, you're considered good looking by female Bulldog fans...

... relatively, you're wealthy, can surf and unusually for many footballers can string a sentence together. CRASH A BLOODY PACK WITH YOUR KNEE OUT YOU BASTARD, YOU CAN DO IT JUST BLOODY DO IT!!!

Anyway Tom you will always be a hero to Bulldog fans for your 2016 exploits and a hero to the fans of 17 other teams as they don't have your massive contract on their books (even though North could afford you, given their 'war chest' and all).
Thank you for everything and thank you for rounding out this years' Bottom 50.

 

[The_torpedo]

 

[3rd Grade Maggy]

Mofra clearly a shareholder in Collective Minds.

 

[TedDougChris]

Tippett/Tex at #0 ????

 

[The_torpedo]

Anyway Tom you will always be a hero to Bulldog fans for your 2016 exploits and a hero to the fans of 17 other teams as they don't have your massive contract on their books

He earnt every single penny of his contract on 1/10/2016

 

[Falchoon]

He earnt every single penny of his contract on 1/10/2016

Serious question, aren't they all...

Was that effort on Sam Naismith the only above average game in his career?

 

[Bernie L]

And here come the...

 

[Starburns_]

Serious question, aren't they all...

Was that effort on Sam Naismith the only above average game in his career?

The Prelim the week before (against Mumford) was arguably better...




...those are really the only 2 games that were though.

 

[Ant_]

Nice work Mofra, most of the good melts have been on the BigFooty facebook page this year.

Ryan for example is not happy with Billings being on the list



Scott finds Swimming and **** offensive



Not sure if Alex is for or against Daniher here?




Some Weagle Gaffe's



Alex again, coming to Gary Rohan's defence... I think?



Twitter only has one melt re Daniher.

Not sure Dylan understands what a snap shot is?

 

[Starburns_]

Did LOL at "Mofra couldn't assault a teenager if he tried."

 

[Bont2Bruce]

Thoroughly deserved for being very shit.

Also for having the worst beard in 2018 across the AFL.

 

[Ant_]

Did LOL at "Moffra couldn't assault a teenager if he tried."

*


*Edited for WA bogan spelling accuracy.

 

[Falchoon]

The Prelim the week before (against Mumford) was arguably better...




...those are really the only 2 games that were though.

That one he performed above the expectations of him, but in reality he somewhat nullified, rather than beat the opposition ruck, which would equal average.

 

[Spiritof82]

Player #1 - Tom Boyd

Pictured: Tom Boyd celebrates making Brian Taylor swear on MMM

In the end, there could be only one. The one. The man, the myth, the legend himself.

This summary could be very short and simple: the Bulldogs this year had statistically the worst forward 50 efficiency coupled with statistically the worst ruck division in the competition, and Tom Boyd is a million dollar ruck/forward. Putting everything into the Mofrometer in a variety of ways still led to Tom being the unanimous choice as the no 1 player this year.

Yes I am aware he was fantastic at the end of 2016, but this is the 2018 Bottom 50. Past exploits are no guarantee of future (or current) performance in a sporting theory known as 'the Mundine principle'.

Tom went at half a goal per game and 17 hit outs on average this year, coupled with roughly 7 effective disposals per game with a disposal efficiency below 65%. He managed 10 scoring shots in total for the year at 200cm and 103kgs. His metres gained average this year was 165m - most cups of luke-warm mid strength beer at Etihad travel further per game.
As a ruckman he was 'an honest battler' and as a forward he was 'looking like a resting ruckman' which might be ok for a 20 year old off the rookie list but this was a consensus pick #1 picked just ahead of Josh Kelly at 2 and Marcus Bontempelli at pick 4.
He did have the good sense to wait only 12 months prior to getting the hell out of Western Sydney (unlike half of Carlton's list that wait a few years) but even then he cost pick 6 and a former pick 3 who was also the club captain and the third best in his team player according to B&F results.
Tellingly, only a few days earlier the Giants declared he would "not be traded under any circumstances" which was about a believable as a St Kilda player saying "we'll just cuddle, I swear". That u-turn was sadly a faster change of direction than anything Tom's shown in the past 2 years.

He's also taken only 20 contested marks in the past two years despite being a man mountain and the theories on this are numerous. One of those theories talked about at length on the Bulldogs board is the small size of his hands relative to his height (seriously). This Trump theory makes sense when you consider he also is overpaid and was once orange. You know what they say - smal hands smlal... gloves. Apologies for the typos, somteimes it's hrad to type proprely with my massive hands.

Gary Lyon, the 'Wayne Carey' of the commentary world, described Boyd as extremely disappointing this year citing his lack of presence in contests. It's true given Boyd this year was overtaken by Schache who was a last minute, 2nd & 3rd rounder trade at the end of 2017 after two unproductive years at Brisbane. Schache is also two years younger than Tom and covers more ground as a forward.

Tom has done some fantastic work this year in the mental health sphere and by all accounts is a thoughtful young man, a deep thinker who is considerate of others which is almost a shame as the best tall forwards appear to be self-absorbed glory hunters with egos bigger than Vihrat Kohli on a coke bender. I'm sure being under constant scrutiny would be a little of an ego-killer but seriously Tom you're 200cm, built like a bricksh....elter, you're considered good looking by female Bulldog fans...

... relatively, you're wealthy, can surf and unusually for many footballers can string a sentence together. CRASH A BLOODY PACK WITH YOUR KNEE OUT YOU BASTARD, YOU CAN DO IT JUST BLOODY DO IT!!!

Anyway Tom you will always be a hero to Bulldog fans for your 2016 exploits and a hero to the fans of 17 other teams as they don't have your massive contract on their books (even though North could afford you, given their 'war chest' and all).
Thank you for everything and thank you for rounding out this years' Bottom 50.

Well deserved for his efforts this year but as mentioned will always be known for the battle of the million dollar forwards in the 2016 GF

Our million Dollar forward





The AFL funded failures, sorry forwards

 

[76woodenspooners]

Surprised Nathan Freeman didn’t make the list.

Former Collingwood pick 10 from the 2013 draft who after two seasons of playing a total gamecount of ...

... hang on, let me look in the mirror to use my teeth to count them ...

... zero, got traded to St Kilda on a reportedly $300k per year for three years. St Kilda fans were oh-so chuffed at the time. LOL

Finally in 2018, his fifth AFL season, he debuted and played the sum total of two games late season before being rather unceremoniously delisted.

This came as quite a surprise to many because he’d won the 20m sprint at his draft camp back in 2013 ...

... and with two games in 5 seasons between Collingwood (back when they were crap) and St Kilda (also when they were - oh, never mind) ... the lad clearly hadn’t been given a decent chance. “Ah, but he had hamstring injuries” will be the cry - but just like the Christmas Day spread there eventually comes a time when all that’s left of the ham-off-the-bone are shredded bits of fat and rind.

There were rumors that the Suns made enquiries about him this trade period for a role selling footy records on gameday but the Suns quickly pulled themselves together, found their self respect and went off to find somebody who would love them back. And thus the velvet curtains finally came down on Freeman’s illustrious career where he ended up one of the league’s highest paid players at around $550K per game over his extensive career (As an aside, that would have to be some kind of record, surely?)

Nathan Freeman, maybe you’re not bottomly enough for Mofra ...

... but as the lad who got paid a motsa for doing bugger all, you’ll always be a Certified Legend to us folks on the Collingwood board.

 

[FreoRicci]

Player #2 - Paddy McCartin

Pictured (in David Attenborough voice): The natural habitat of the McCartin, dropping a mark at VFL level

Patrick McCartin is a former no#1 draft pick who plays for St Kilda who have a proud history of (weird looking) KPFs. Riewoldt, Hall, Plugger, Gehrig, Cowboy Neale, etc. It's extremely unlikely that 'Gappy' adds to this list despite meeting the 'weird looking' requirement.

Now it needs to be said Paddy has had a few challenges along the way, and I don't just mean the irresistible midnight call of the fridge.
He has diabetes (like GWS' Sam Reid and Dale Weightman), a large gap between his teeth and let's face it in past years he's copped more concussions than an NRL player's wife.
None of that matters when the guy wants to play a stay at home full forward role in the modern era where's it's basically a non-existent role.

First of all, he's got a solid build for an amateur wrestler but AFL is a running sport. Modern players are expected to run, dummy run, guard space (Nick Maxwell was ahead of his time!), and as a forward you need to lead. Gappy can lead - once. Sometimes twice. But he's no Nick Riewoldt (who'd want to see him naked anyway). On top of this he has the turning circle of a BHP iron ore train. But that's not his biggest problem either.

'Mattress Guts' (as he's known at VFL level) reacts to the play rather than makes it. Unless he's delivered the ball on a platter he just doesn't get near it. He did manage to get 13 games this year because... St Kilda (there's nobody else) but he's like the 7th person in an orgy, just making up the numbers. True story. He also tends to fumble under pressure which is... alright, no more orgy stories.

It just wasn't a great pick all round and reeks of St Kilda panicking and taking a KPF because their value is high rather than taking the best available player at pick 1. With Riewoldt they're batting at 50% with no 1 picks in recent history: Even Carlton have nailed more no 1 picks this century and the Washington Generals send them sympathy cards each festive season.

Of course, we could just take St Kilda fans' opinion into account too:






PS - this year he kicked 12 goals 17 behinds, so he clearly shares the same goal kicking coach that Jack Billings does down at Seaford/Moorabbin/Revs. That's an accuracy rate of 41.4% which is also happens to be the ATAR of Ms Duthie.

Pictured: Well if you didn't want us to know your ATAR you shouldn't have left your laptop open.
PS get used to that word - laptop. It might come in handy, career wise

Just to rub further salt into the wounds, his younger brother Tom has been drafted by the Swans and despite being four years younger has already overtaken him. Don't you hate it when a younger sibling is doing better than you?

Pictured: A clash hotly anticipated by hundreds of fans each season: The concession sessions

Paddy, Gappy, Mattress Guts. Sorry to hear Max King is on the list now, he looks a gun. And Josh Battle looks promising too. Enjoy the festive season and welcome to the Bottom 50 for 2018.

More concussions that a NRL player’s wife.. good lord. Gold.