Lame jokes

[drew_j]

3 old men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three"? "274" was his reply. The doctor says to the second man "It's your turn. What is three times three"? "Tuesday" replys the second man. The doctor says to the third man, "OK, Your turn. What's three times three"? "Nine" says the third man. "That's great" says the doctor. "How did you get that"? "Simple" says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday".

 

[Quadzilla]

why does a chicken coup have 2 doors?
if it had 4 doors it would be a sedan

 

[Bourky23]

loved that one stone joke nivek

 

[roostersgal4eva]

Why is the Irish economy boomin?

Coz it's capital is dublin'

lol

Dont know if this should go in the bad taste joke thread or this one - u deside

What do you do with 365 used Condoms?
Turn them into a tire and call it a Goodyear!

 

[Quadzilla]

A very wealthy lawyer vacationed for several weeks each year at his summer home in the backwoods of Maine. Each summer, he would invite friends to come to visit him.

One summer he invited a lawyer from Czechoslovakia to visit him. The friend, eager to see how a wealthy American vacationed, gratefully agreed. They had a wonderful vacation, and spent a great deal of time exploring the woods and enjoying the natural setting.

One morning, as the lawyer and his Czechoslovakian friend were walking through the woods, they were approached by two huge bears -- a male and a female. The lawyer noticed them in time to run for cover. His friend, however, was not so lucky. The male bear reached him and swallowed him whole.

Seeing this, the lawyer ran to his Mercedes and sped for the nearest town to get the local sheriff. The sheriff grabbed a high-powered rifle and they raced back to the berry patch. Luckily, the bears were still there.

"He's in THAT one!" cried the lawyer, pointing at the bear that had consumed his friend. "Quick -- shoot it. Maybe we can still save my friend!"

The sheriff looked at the bears, leveled his gun, took careful aim, and shot the female. His aim was true, and the female bear collapsed to the ground. The startled male fled into the woods.

"Why did you do that?" demanded the lawyer, "I said he was in the other bear!"

"Exactly," replied the sheriff. "Would YOU believe a lawyer who told you that the Czech was in the male?"

 

[Quadzilla]

A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices there's
a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup.

So she peels it off and starts screaming, "I've won a motorhome!
I've won a motorhome!"

The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize is a free Lunch.?"

But the blonde keeps on screaming, "I've won a motorhome!
I've won a motorhome!"

Finally, the manager comes over and says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken. You couldn't have possibly won a motorhome because we didn't have that as a prize.

The blonde says, "No, it's not a mistake. I've won a motorhome!"

And she hands the ticket to the manager and HE reads...


(YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE THIS !!!!!! . I PROMISE !)


"WINABAGEL"

 

[Bourky23]

pfffff

 

[Killer eagle]

• S: (adj) disgusting, disgustful, distasteful, foul, loathly, loathsome, repellent, repellant, repelling, revolting, skanky, wicked, yucky (highly offensive; arousing aversion or disgust) "a disgusting smell"; "distasteful language"; "a loathsome disease"; "the idea of eating meat is repellent to me"; "eating out your mum"; "revolting food"; "a wicked stench"

 

[Quadzilla]

What is the difference between a plastic bag and Michael Jackson?

One is made of white plastic and is dangerous to young children.

The other is a plastic bag.

 

[ClarkeM]

nivek48 is the king of these jokes.
Good on him!! I wonder were you get them?

 

[Possumisagun]

Two fish are in a tank and one turns to the other and says 'I don't know how to drive this thing'.

 

[chickens_law]

Foreign Man : I dont know sex

Blond : *sighs*

 

[Quadzilla]

Two crayfish were in the restaurant tank.

It was their last night so the male put the hard word on the female.

She said "Ok, but will you still respect me in the mornay?"

 

[ClarkeM]

Q: Lame
A: jokes



love this thread!!!

 

[chickens_law]

Man : I am sex

Blond : HOBBO!!!! piss off.

 

[drew_j]

Mods, can we have Chickens Law banned from this thread please?

 

[westdog54]

What do you call a country where everyone drives pink cars?

A Pink Carnation!


*Waits for chorus of boos*

 

[Quadzilla]

What do you call a country where everyone drives pink cars?

A Pink Carnation!


*Waits for chorus of boos*

i like ...

ah...ok....boooo

 

[fishbowl]

Geelong Football Club

 

[westdog54]

i like ...

High Praise indeed from the master of lame jokes!

 

[happy_eagle]

what do you get when you swap your bed with your couch and your couch with your bed

bloody confused

 

[chickens_law]

Man: Hi

Old lady: My ass is hungry

Donkey: Don't show me your dick.

 

[belfast_bomber]

hello folks, I've just been directed to this thread by general consensus among the football board cognoscenti, they think I'll fit right in. can't imagine why.

anyway, here's one for starters:

what do you call two mexican carpet layers?

(wait for it)

underlay! underlay!

 

[Marklar_33]

why does a chicken coup have 2 doors?
if it had 4 doors it would be a sedan

That is the lamest joke ever! You win! haha

Keep em coming nivek

 

[roostersgal4eva]

hello folks, I've just been directed to this thread by general consensus among the football board cognoscenti, they think I'll fit right in. can't imagine why.

anyway, here's one for starters:

what do you call two mexican carpet layers?

(wait for it)

underlay! underlay!

very good

some more lame ones

Why don't oysters give to charity?
Because they're shellfish.

Q. What did Geronimo say when he jumped out of the airplane?
A. MEEEEEEEE!!!

Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy.

Not sure if this is a lame one or a rude one but...
Two children were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying very loudly.

2nd Child: Why are you crying?
1st Child: I came here for a blood test.
2nd Child: So? Are you afraid?
1st Child: No. For the blood test, they cut my finger.

At this, the second one started crying profusely.

The first one was astonished.
1st Child: Why are you crying now?
2nd Child: I came for a urine test !