Greatest Cricket Sledges

[Briedis]

I thought it might be fun for everyone to post their favorite cricket sledges.

Mine is Ian Healy against Sri Lanka a few years ago...

During a WSC final at the SCG where the game had
been shortened due to
rain and the atmosphere was running at about 95%
humidity a very exhausted
Arjuna Ranatunga appealed that he had "sprained"
something.

He duly asked the umpire for a runner. As clear as a bell
through the effects mic you heard Healy's legendary reply
"you don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat c#$%".

 

[The Hippie]

Got a couple, one I've already posted here somewhere, from a bloke (aussie, of course)in the crowd to Bob Willis in a Test in Sydney, "Oi, Willis, I didn't know they could stack sh1t that high!!!'

The other, and best I've read about, was by David Hookes to that tall streak of crap, Tony Grieg in the Centenary Test. Grieg was sledging from in close to unsettle Hooksey and after a bit when Hookes wasn't responding Grieg came out with 'Come on, you baby faced bastard, you're too young to be out here playing with men.'
Hookesy's comeback: 'At least I am an Australian, representing my own country in a Test match!!' Conversation over.

 

[stoisle]

1999 World Cup Super 6 match, Australia V South Africa, after Gibbs had dropped Steve Waugh.

Waugh to Gibbs "You have just dropped the World Cup"

 

[Santos L Helper]

I heard Ian Chappell relate a good story one day.

Apparently on a Pakistani tour to Australia when Brad Williams was supposed to be our next 'great white hope' of fast bowling, he was playing in a tour match against the Paki's. Anyway Inzamam is batting and Williams is tearing in bowling bouncers and breathing fire while Inzy is just nonchalantly putting him to all points of the park. Williams let's one go that Inzy put's over slips for four and Williams let's him have it as he's walking down the pitch when Inzy turns and says, 'I thought you'd turn the ball more at that pace'. All of Williams team mates apparently cracked up at hearing this.
The interesting thing about that story is that I believe Inzy doesn't speak a word of English................but it was a good story Chappelli.

 

[Booze Hound]

Michael Atherton, on his first Tour to Australia was adjudged not out on a caught behind appeal.

At the end of the over Ian Healey walked by and announced "You're a f*@$%#* cheat".

Athers replied very politely "When in Rome dear boy.......".

A very good one I heard in the last (English) summer involved a person who used to open the bowling at my Club but now plays elsewhere.

He was bowling at an opening bat who was about 18 (he himself is 31). The third ball of the match comes down and the youth smacks it to the boundary followed by the comment "Is that the best you can do ...... Grandad!"

A couple of yards go on the run up and he steams in. First ball past the nose, next one makes an unholy mess of the wicket. He eyeballs the batsman, points to the pavilion and announces "It's over there, and don't use all the hot water."

 

[Dipper]

I've heard one about Beefy Botham facing that seething little mass of testosterone fuelled anger called Rodney Hogg.

Well Hoggy's bowling to Both & I think Beefy's playing pretty well & one delivery Hoggy gives it everything & as he was sometimes prone to do he overbalanced after he'd delivered the ball & eneded up on his knees in front of the great man, so Beefy said'I know you think I'm great Hoggy but no need to get down on your knees'-well as anyone who's ever seen Rodney bowl can imagine the little bloke wasn't best pleased to put it mildly.


I seem to remember that Norman Cowans got a bit upset when Beefy kept inviting Rod Masrh into the changing room for a few beers after play as Rod kept asking him all summer who was 'looking after his chick back in England whilst Norman was away'

 

[Briedis]

Nice stuff guys!

stoisle, I think that was the actual world cup, not the sixes.

 

[The Hippie]

Fred Trueman was always good for quotes in cricket books. One story goes he was bowling to Greg Chappell in a County game and was finding the edge of GC's bat, but the ball wasn't going to hand. After one edge, Fred stormed down the wicket saying "Bloody hell-fire...you've got more edges than a broken pisspot!!"
3 balls later after another edge "Bloody hell-fire, now I know where you learnt your cricket....EDGBASTON!!!!"
Finally, Chappell middled one and the ball raced to the boundary and Fred boomed "Bloooody hell, it's like bowlin' fookin' doughnuts on a fookin' $h1t-heap!"

 

[walshy1993]

this happened off the field, but i thought it was appropriate

on the 89 ashes tour XXXX were the major sponsors and the players were told to advertise the beer whenever possible

one night merv and dean jones were in a pub and both were drinking XXXX, after every drink merv would say "this XXXX is the best beer in the world" or words to that affect
he repeated this time and time again for quite a while

merv then got up and went to visit the gents, during which deano and the barman filled up an empty XXXX can with the local product and put it infront of mervs seat

merv came back, sat down, picked up the beer and had a gulp and then stated "this XXXX is the best bloody beer in the world"


and stoisle that steve waugh comment was during the 99 world cup
and i think the exact words to gibbs were "how does it feel to have just dropped the world cup"
something which waugh denies saying

 

[NICK THE PIE MAN]

It was a sledge, but this is the sledge that came back to bite you in arse!

Australia vs Pakistan. '1999 in Hobart
Australia chasing 369 i think, we are in deep crap, 5-90 i think, Adam Gilchrist and Justin Langer at the crease. With Langer on 1, one of the Pakistanis said to JL, 'You wouldn't even make our 2nd 11.'

Well, the rest is history!
Langer went on the score 123 in a 238-run partnership with Gilly to win the test!

LOL! as Sammy would say; "You idiot!"

 

[bunsen burner]

Botham v Richards.

Apparently Botham had beaten Viv outside off stump a couple of balls in row. The Poms thought they had Viv on the ropes, and after one of the deliveries, Botham grabbed the ball, walked down the pitch, held the ball up, and said, "here, have a good look at it, that's what it looks like, see if you can hit it". The next ball, Viv smashes him for six, and says, "Well, you know what it looks like, go and f&#king get it"

 

[Dipper]

Originally posted by The Hippie
Fred Trueman was always good for quotes in cricket books. One story goes he was bowling to Greg Chappell in a County game and was finding the edge of GC's bat, but the ball wasn't going to hand. After one edge, Fred stormed down the wicket saying "Bloody hell-fire...you've got more edges than a broken pisspot!!"
3 balls later after another edge "Bloody hell-fire, now I know where you learnt your cricket....EDGBASTON!!!!"
Finally, Chappell middled one and the ball raced to the boundary and Fred boomed "Bloooody hell, it's like bowlin' fookin' doughnuts on a fookin' $h1t-heap!"

That reminds me of another Freddie Trueman one.

Apparently in a county match Yorkshire were playing Northants who had Frank 'Typhoon' Tyson bowling for them, & this guy was even more scary than Mike tyson.He was the quickest of his day & perhaps the only bowler to rival Thommo as quickest ever.

Anyway one of the Yorkshire semi allrounders went out to bat & he wasn't know for his bravery against the quick stuff & on facing his first ball he backed away to leg & was bowled so when he gets back in the dressing room he gets a serve from Freddy along the lines of being a bit gutless so Fred goes out to bat & is dismissed in an ungainly fashion.When Fred re-enters the dressing room the other bloke is waiting for him & says something like what happened to you then trying to stir Freddy up so Fred replies 'I'll you what blooody happened I slipped on that pile of sh*t that you left in t'blooody crease'

 

[The Hippie]

Walshy and Briedis, stoiles is right, he's talking about the game in the Super 6 round of the World Cup when Steve Waugh scored 120 not out to keep Australia in the competition. The Aussies had to win that game to qualify for the Semis.

 

[The Hippie]

Ok, Dipper, so it's a joke off ye'll be wantin'

Richard Hutton, on his first experience of the WACA pitch, prodded it with his bat and was heard to say "Fookin' hellfire, do this at Bratfort, and bat will stick in t' wicket. Do it here, and t' wicket is so fookin' hard, it sounds like some fooker's tappin' back!!"

One for the Dougie Walters fans: On a tour to Sth Africa, Ashley Mallett was bowling to Mike Proctor. Rowdy had seen Proctor dropped 3 times off his bowling on the way to 50, so Ashley decided to employ the words of wisdom of Barry Jarman, 'The only way to combat a batsman taking the long handle, is to bowl higher and shorter to him, give him enough rope to hang himself with.'
Proctor lifted Mallett's first higher and shorter delivery out of the ground. It landed in a brewery next door, and Captain Bill Lawry wasn't risking sending any of his players to look for it. So another ball was thrown out.
Still working on the Jarman theory, Mallett tossed the ball up and Keith Stackpole got a finger to it on it's way to another six.
Proctor hit the third ball into the railway yards outside the ground, and the ball lobbed into a wagon as the train pulled out of the station. So another ball was tossed out.
The fourth went sailing into the stand and returned to the middle.
But Ashley was no quitter and he threw the last ball higher and shorter again and again Proctor hit it into the railway yards.
That ball didn't come back, so another ball was tossed from the pavilion. It was picked up (unfortunatley for Mallett) by Dougie Walters who handed the ball to him and said "Well, that takes care of the reds - now we start on the colours."

 

[GoEagles]

Shane Warne to Zimbabwe batsman - "Fuc.... Ars.. Cun.." heard by all of Australia through effects microphone

 

[WCE2000]

This isnt a sledging incident, but a great call of the field by Colin Ingleby-MacKenzie.

He was the captain of EW Swantons XI in Trinidad, and Swanton was telling them team that they must all be in bed by 11.00.
To which I-MacKenzie replied "I dont see how we can be in bed at 11.00 when were due out on the field at 11.30"

 

[ant]

Can't remember the exact words or who it was directed at(might have been Inzamam, help me out here) but a batsman was blocking and staying in his crease to Warnie. Then either Boonie or Heals said something along the lines of, "Maybe if we put a Mars bar on a good length we can lure him out of his crease."

 

[The Doctor]

Originally posted by ant
Can't remember the exact words or who it was directed at(might have been Inzamam, help me out here) but a batsman was blocking and staying in his crease to Warnie. Then either Boonie or Heals said something along the lines of, "Maybe if we put a Mars bar on a good length we can lure him out of his crease."

That was against a South African provincial side on the 94 tour. I can't remember the batsmans name but it was a long dutch name and apparantly he was quite a burly fellow.

I like the one when Merv Hughes, after being hit for 6 by Hansie Cronje, stood mid pitch and squatting slightly and let go a massive fart and said to Cronje "try hitting that for six".

 

[Booze Hound]

Heard a good one yesterday.

Glen McGrath playing the Zimmies and bowling at their portly former pace man Eddo 'Chicken' Brandes.

Brandes smears a couple of boundaries and McGrath shouts at him

"Why are you so f***#### fat?"

Eddo looks up and replies "Every time I f*** your wife she gives me a biscuit."

A favourite (and true) Fred Trueman story is told by the former Essex offie David Acfield. It's one of Acfield's first 1st class games and he walks out at no.11 (he was a total rabbit), passing Trueman on the way and receiving a malevolent glare for his trouble. By the time he gets to the crease he's a nervous wreck. At short leg stands Brian Close, hard as nails outdoing Fred's glare.

He takes guard and prepares to face when suddenly Trueman calls out "Eh, Closey, we've got a right one hear, he's holding his bat the wrong way round."

Acfield reports "And like a fool I looked!"

Best retort was from Eric Hollies the Warwickshire leggie (he who did Bradman in his last Test innings) when touring Australia. He was fielding in front of the Hill when some wag cres out "Hey Hollies, don't they bury their dead in Birmngham?" Eric replies "Naw, they stuff them and send 'em out here."

 

[walshy1993]

Originally posted by The Hippie
Walshy and Briedis, stoiles is right, he's talking about the game in the Super 6 round of the World Cup when Steve Waugh scored 120 not out to keep Australia in the competition. The Aussies had to win that game to qualify for the Semis.

yeah sorry, i just clicked on to what he meant
when i read super 6 i somehow thought of that silly game that martin crowe made up, which was actually super 8
but anyway

and yeah, i knew the innings and the situation, it was just the super 6 that threw me off

 

[Joe Mama]

The best sledge i've ever heard was from Basketball and it was said by Chicago Bulls forward, Scottie Pippen to Karl Malone when he was going for a free throw in the 7th game of the NBA championship.

He said "The mailman (Karl Malone's nickname) doesn't deliver on sundays (the day of the game)", this threw Malone off and he missed that vital point and the Bulls won the championship.

 

[Briedis]

Originally posted by The Hippie
Walshy and Briedis, stoiles is right, he's talking about the game in the Super 6 round of the World Cup when Steve Waugh scored 120 not out to keep Australia in the competition. The Aussies had to win that game to qualify for the Semis.

Oh OK, yeah. I thought he was talking about the Hong Kong super sixes!!

 

[Dipper]

Originally posted by The Hippie
Ok, Dipper, so it's a joke off ye'll be wantin'

Right I've delved into the memory bank & am bringing out the big guns.

This one I think I read in Merv Hughes Autobiography.

He's bowling to Viv Richards in a Test in the Windies & I think it must have been Antiga.Well he's giving Vivy a load of verbals & Vivy is getting the hump with it, so Vivy starts saying'you can't talk to me like that here man this is my island my people & my culture'.
So the inevitable happens & Hughes gets the great man out & runs down the wicket giving him the big send off & shouts after Vivy 'In my culture mate we say....PISS OFF'

Another big Merv one my mate told me & I'ma bit dubious of it as it sounds a bit odd, see what you think-

Merv is bowling to Miandad in Pakistan & obviously mouthing off to him so Miandad gets a bit irritable & starts calling Merv of all things a bus conductor!I asked my mate & he reckons this is a big insult in Pakistan , now I'm not sure about this but as the story goes Merv gets Miandad out & runs down the wicket shouting 'Ding ding tickets please'-whether it's true or not it made me laugh.

 

[The Hippie]

LOL Hadn't heard the Miandad one before, Dipp. I hope to Christ it's true, though.

I'll think of one again shortly.

 

[The Hippie]

One from the World Series cricket days, just after David Hookes had his jaw broken by a bouncer and and more than a few players started to get concerned about their future health and looked into getting helmets to bat in. The first (or one of the first) was Tony Grieg and when the Aussie bowlers (well one DK Lillee saw it) it was like a red rag to a bull, so he tested it out with a few short ones, with gratifying results and a few dents later Grieg was out.

Later in the game, The Rest of The World side was in trouble and one of the batsmen needed a runner and out walked Tony Grieg. Ian Chappell wouldn't have a bar of it and protested that as captain, Grieg would pass on instructions and tactics to the batsmen. He was overruled by the umpires, but he had a plan B. He pointed out that the injured batsman was wearing a helmet and Grieg wasn't, and couldn't act as a runner because he wasn't dressed in the same way as the batsman.

Rodney Marsh piped up and said 'Don't be stupid, there's no way he can run for him. Everyone knows his helmet's at the panel beaters getting the dents taken out of it!!'