Funniest family guy quotes and eps

[almost_04]

the funniest quote is when lois is trying to feed stewie brocoli and hes like.

"damn you, damn brocoli and damn the wright brothers!" then she shoves it in her mouth and hes like "Who the hell do you think you are!?"

 

[gothedons]

louis and peter are talking something to do with doing something bad or dirty (sex) and peter sais something like 'oh i thought u wanted us to kill our kids and harvest their organs for beer money'

 

[the_big_sav]

well lois, if im such a child and you married me that makes you a pedophile *and im not going to take this from a pervert.*

*im a little fuzzy with that last bit but its along those lines

 

[Thewlis Dish]

Repairman: I've found the problem with your vacuum, there was a half-eaten meatball clogging up the intake.
Peter: Oh. Did you save it?
Repairman: No.
Peter: You bastard.

 

[Portmanteau]

Speaking of vacuum:

Brian: I'm telling Lois.
Stewie: I said vacuum!

Or something similar.

 

[year of the roo]

Where do I start? So many to chose from.

Practically anything that Quagmire says is funniest.

 

[the_big_sav]

"hey meg, you 18 yet?"

 

[Count Zero]

Lois: Peter, I'm not wearing any panties!
Peter: That's ok Lois we can always throw that chair out.

 

[BW]

Lois: Your drunk again
Peter: No, I'm just exhausted because I've been up all night drinking

 

[meh]

peter: remember last time i did laundry
(walks into the dryer)
peter: hey, give me back my sock you goat bastard

 

[NICK THE PIE MAN]

The best, best ever:
Salesman: Hold on a second, you can have the boat or what's inside this mystery box!
Lois: Are you crazy? We'll take the boat.
Peter: Hold on a second, Lois. A boat's a boat but a mystery prize could be anything! It could even be a boat! You know how much we've wanted one of those!
Lois: Then let's just...
Peter: We'll take the box!

And...

My signature

The Man in White: I want to get the hell out here!
Stewie: Oh i'm sorry, we're fresh out of that! I'm afraid all we have left is untimely death!

Women in Workplace film:
Host: Irrational and emotionally-fragile by nature, female co-workers are a peculiar animal. Remember to tell them how good they look every day - even if they're homely and unkempt. And nothing says "great job" like a firm, open-palmed smack to the behind!

 

[the_big_sav]

"glen honey, i have a question for you, what do you do for a living?"

"ha i got a question for you to, why are you still here?"

 

[year of the roo]

"glen honey, i have a question for you, what do you do for a living?"

"ha i got a question for you to, why are you still here?"

 

[Cleavy]

Quagmire: "Does this look like a Q to you?"

Mayor: I love my job. I love it even more than I love taffy and I'm man who loves his taffy.

 

[Cuneyt]

Lois: Your drunk again
Peter: No, I'm just exhausted because I've been up all night drinking

lol i luv this show

 

[silky-smooth]

Stewie: "So, Olivia, we meet again. Beautiful day."
Olivia: "You're not going to fart again, are you?"
Stewie: "Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total bitch."


Louis: "Oh my God he was just floating out there all by himself?"
Peter: "Yep. He was so grateful I saved his life, he invited us all over for dinner tonight"
Louis: "Oh, good, I don't have to cook"
Peter: "Oh, oh, no, no, go ahead and cook anyway Louis and we'll throw it out. Don't want you getting rusty."

 

[meh]

love the 1st one silky. i would love to stay and chat but your a total bitch!! lol

 

[Topher]

When Peter goes to that womens camp to learn how to be less sexist and in the bus to the camp...

Peter: I have an idea, why don't I be Charlie, and you can all be my angels -looks at a fat lady- except you! you be Bosley.

 

[Daniel138]

Peter: Ok, here's another riddle. A woman has two children. A homicidal murderer tells her she can only keep one. Which one does she let him kill?

Brian: That's... that's not a riddle. That's ... that's just terrible.

Peter: Wrong, the ugly one!

anyone know when they are bringing out season 3 on DVD???
Love that show

 

[Daniel138]

Peter (to Meg): Remember that pony you wanted when you were 6? Well I've been waitin for a time like this.

(opens closet door and a skeleton of a pony is there)

Peter: Oh, oh god, that's right ponies, ponies like food.


So many quotes.....

 

[Cleavy]

anyone know when they are bringing out season 3 on DVD???

May 4th. http://www.ezydvd.com.au/item.zml/779330

 

[Daniel138]

May 4th. http://www.ezydvd.com.au/item.zml/779330

thanks for that

 

[fugsy]

Easily the one of the best comedy show ever...along with Scrubs and The Simpsons...

Quagmire: Hey meg, you 18 yet?
Meg: No, but I...
Quagmire: Hi Chris!

Lois: Peter, you bought the statue of David?
Peter: Nah, I just rented it. They're gonna be ********ed though the penis broke off.
*Peter throws penis through his gay bosses window*
Boss: *picks it up* I shall call you Eduardo!

Weflare Officer: Do you have any injuries, abnormalities, (more words I can't spell)...
Peter: Well, I never had gas for the first time until I was 30
*cut to peter back in the 80's*
Peter: *farts* ...what the hell was that??

There's hundreds more...but i really can't be bothered. Not at 3:45 Am anyway

 

[meh]

Peter:

Do i draw his penis?
Do i conduct with my penis?

 

[Portmanteau]

Something along the lines of:

Peter: "Hey Quagmire."
Quagmire: "Hey Peter, what's up?"
Peter: "Nothing, just calling."
Quagmire: "Well, what do you want?"
Peter: "Just called up to talk."
Quagmire: "What do you want?"
Peter: "How are you feeling?"

Quagmire hangs up.

Pure gold.