Tonga Bob
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- Oct 26, 2013
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Welcome to Heritage Round!
Of course we all know that the first qooty clash between East Side and Coney Island was in round 6 of season 18 (in the days when the Phoenix identified as Hawks). In that match the Warriors were victorious – 17.5 (107) to 15.5 (95). Many people I’ve heard of featured in this match - Tarkyn_24 Itsmyshow larrikin & WaLkEr_ThE_StAr for the
But while qooty results can come and go, I’m here today to tell you about the actual origin story behind these two teams are facing off in Heritage Round, as opposed to tell you about teamsheet timeframes which you all know by now. Please consider…
Bobman Begins
As a young boy of 8, Tonga Bob falls down a well, where he is caught in a swarm of bats. Bob is rescued by his father Elton, but he is left with a fear of bats. When Bob and his parents Elton Johns Wig & pantskyle attend the opera Never Gonna Give You Up, Bob is frightened by the portrayals of bat-like demons in the performance. He and his parents exit into an alley, where they are confronted by an armed mugger, Agent93, who shoots and kills Bob's parents. Agent93 is arrested and convicted for the double murder, but Bob is left traumatized by the incident. The family's butler, TheInjuryFactory, raises Bob in the absence of his parents.
When Bob becomes a young man, he returns home to Sweet from Wazzamatta University, intent on killing Agent93, whose prison sentence is being suspended in exchange for testifying against the mob boss por_please_ya. Agent93 is assassinated by one of por_please_ya's henchmen, depriving Bob of his opportunity. When Bob tells his childhood friend FootyGuy13 about his foiled plan, she expresses disgust and gives him a lecture about the difference between justice and revenge. Realizing she is right, Bob decides to confront por_please_ya himself, but the mob boss dismisses him as ignorant of nature of the underworld (Saying, "You're Tonga Bob, the Prince of Tonga--you'd have to go a thousand miles to find someone who doesn't know your name!"), having his thugs rough him up. Realizing that por_please_ya is right, and that he cannot truly understand what he intends to fight as a wealthy playboy, he abandons his life at home, stowing away on a cargo ship and traveling the world for nearly seven years.
He associates with criminals to learn their ways and is thrown in a Shawminican prison by police for theft, ironically of Tonga Enterprises property. After a prison brawl, an enigmatic man who identifies himself as NaturalDisaster invites Bob to join an elite vigilante group, the League of Shitgibbons, under the leadership of Chief. Bob is freed the next day and travels to the top of a Maprako mountain to begin his combat training with the League. In his training, Bob overcomes his fear of bats while under the hallucinogenic influence of a mountainside blue flower. However, Bob soon realises that he will be forced to lead the League in its fight to restore order to Sweet by creating chaos and murdering its population. When NaturalDisaster orders Bob to execute a murderer as a final test, Bob refuses to obey and destroys the League's headquarters, killing Chief in the process. However, Bob rescues an unconscious NaturalDisaster from the wreckage and leaves his mentor at a nearby village.
20 years after the Tonga Murders, Bob returns to a Sweet City that is mostly ruled by por_please_ya and begins plotting a one-man war against the corrupt system. He seeks the help of FootyGuy13, now an assistant district attorney, and police sergeant A Swallow, who consoled him in the aftermath of his parents' murder. Bob pays a visit to A Swallow one night in disguise to establish communication. After re-establishing his connections to his father's company, Tonga Enterprises, Bob is able to acquire, with the help of former board member Dinsdale, an armoured off-road vehicle and an experimental body armour. He augments the suit with League of Shitgibbons gauntlets, and a special cape that can become a rudimentary hang glider.
During his first night as Bobman, he disrupts a drug shipment by por_please_ya, and leaves the mob boss tied to a searchlight, forming a makeshift Bobsignal. He also disrupts an assassination attempt on FootyGuy13, leaving her with evidence against a judge that has gone soft on por_please_ya in the past. While investigating the "unusual" drugs in the shipment, Bobman is stunned by Dr. Jonathan Chip ("The Chipmunk"), who sprays him with a powerful hallucinogen. After being set on fire by the Chipmunk, Bobman escapes and puts the fire out off of him. Bobman is rescued by TheInjuryFactory, administered an anti-toxin developed by Dinsdale. Two days later, Bob awakens on his thirtieth birthday. The Chipmunk later poisons FootyGuy13 after showing her that the toxin, which is revealed to only be harmful in vapor form, is being piped into Sweet's water supply. She is saved by Bobman. The police enter the asylum, and Bobman escapes with FootyGuy13 in his tank. After administering the antidote to FootyGuy13 in his cave, he gives her two vials of it for A Swallow; one for the detective to inoculate himself, and another to mass-produce for the city's population.
Later at a party held at his mansion, Bob, much to his surprise and shock, is confronted by NaturalDisaster and a group of ninja from the League of Shitgibbons, who then reveals himself to be the real Chief, the former who died being a decoy. Chief, who had been conspiring with the Chipmunk the entire time, plans to destroy Sweet by distributing the toxin (which was extracted from the mountainside blue flowers) undetected via Sweet's water supply, and then vaporize it with a microwave emitter stolen from Tonga Enterprises. Bob, tricking his guests into leaving, fights briefly with Chief while the League of Shitgibbons set fire to Tonga Manor. Bob escapes the inferno with TheInjuryFactory's help just as the manor is destroyed.
Bobman wants to trail Chief and arrives at the "Narrows" section of Sweet to aid the police, who are engaged in battle with psychotic criminals set free from Eyrie Asylum by the League. After saving FootyGuy13, and intimating his identity to her, he leaves A Swallow in control of the Bobmobile to stop the elevated train that is being used to transport the vaporizer to the city's central water hub. Bobman battles Chief, then escapes just as A Swallow topples the elevated line using the Bobmobile's missiles, leaving Chief to crash with the train to the ground.
Following the battle, Bobman becomes a public hero. Bob gains control of Tonga Enterprises and installs Dinsdale as CEO, firing BEEG. A Swallow, newly promoted to lieutenant, unveils a Bob-Signal for Bobman and mentions a new criminal that, like Bobman, has "a taste for the theatrical", leaving a melonhead playing card at his crime scenes. Bobman promises to investigate and A Swallow mentions that he forgot to thank Bobman for his efforts. Bobman replies by saying that he'll never have to, as he takes off into the night.
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